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Just Maybe, God Pushed Me Down the Stairs. | Health

May 1, 2013 By Laura 17 Comments


I know.

The title….it sounds a little dramatic. But it’s pretty much the conclusion I have come to, after recent events.  You see, I can be pretty darn stubborn.  God knows this about me. I think maybe He tried many times, to get my attention. But I, being as stubborn as I can be, unwisely dismissed His obvious and gentler signs.  So, I think just maybe, He pushed me down the stairs.  Literally. I have 2 things to say to that:

  1.    “OWWW!!”
  2.    “OK, I’m listening now.”**Important to note: This is a true story about my health, and the wake up call that changed everything.  The happenings of these events actually took place quite some time ago now.  I typed this post out as a therapy of sorts, and because I felt it was a story that needed to be told, to other women. In particular, other mothers. But I didn’t have the courage to post it at the time, until now, well over a year to year 1/2 after the events. It’s just a little more personal in nature than my typical posts, and involves speaking of my mother as well – whom I did and do love so very much.  But as my mother, her story is very much interwoven into mine, and an integral part of the story as a whole.  It’s only her permission I would seek, to speak of her. So I’ll presume I have some blessing from Heaven, for the bigger purpose of possibly having some positive impact on others. Perhaps even saving lives. Her story was never a secret, to the many (many!), who loved her, anyway. 
    **Also note: Though I cannot imagine anyone would disagree with me, the details and mentions of my mother are stated as strictly my own personal viewpoints, opinions, and experiences. I am not speaking on behalf of anyone else, but myself.

        In conclusion of this prelude, I would like to state that I have made the many little and good changes in my life, that I needed to make, and all for the better.  – Laura(January 2012)

 I’d venture to guess, I’m like many other mothers.

     Not all, but I am quite sure there are some mothers out there who may read this, and feel they can relate. I’m the one who is always thinking of the health and well-being, of my family. That includes nagging my husband.  (I say nagging, because I cannot tell him what to do, and he knows he doesn’t have to listen to me. Who told him that?). He happens to be quite healthy.  (Perhaps, thanks in part, to me ; ).  He has never had surgery of any kind. Never been hospitalized. He did have to go to the ER once though, which brings to mind a hilarious fishing story, I must tell you sometime.  But he just does not think in terms of protecting his health. He gets exercise, by accident, by working hard. (And we’re thankful to him for that.).  He has a wicked sweet tooth, and if left to his own accord, just eats and drinks whatever sounds good to him. Wearing a mask when paint air-brushing, or working in very dusty construction environments, is a repetitive battle between us.

     But what I can do, and I DO, is encourage and enforce any and all healthy habits in my children, that I possibly can.  On a daily basis. And, I’m good at it.  I am the one, that makes sure they are eating a balanced diet, when looking over the day as a whole, and within each meal. I monitor their sugar intake (which minimal, on treat/surprise basis, and they thank me for it).  They have developed such healthy eating habits choice:  They rejoice out loud, over vegetables at dinner many kids despise, drink tons of water each day, etc. I see so many healthy habits, in terms of consumption, took root with them long ago.  I see to it that they get their regular physical exams, eye exams, regular teeth cleanings, orthodontics, keep them clean, teach them how to shower and properly brush their teeth, make sure they get enough sleep, etc.  They get plenty of daily exercise and fresh air, and play basketball, volleyball, flag football, and ice skating.

     Of course, health comes in many forms. Body, Mind and Spirit. So I also foster their education, give them the tools to nurture their inner passions and dreams, encourage them to serve others or get involved in a ministry that speaks to them, and most importantly, guide them on their path in their faith, to becoming God-loving people, who feel called to serve others with compassion, are kind, and have a general strong and good character.   What drives me to oversee and regulate these things, is the same thing that drives any good mothers:  I want my children to be, now and forever, healthy, and the fulfilled beings God calls them to be.   That takes forming good habits for life, and the earlier they start, the more natural such a lifestyle will be for them.  I  love them with all I am, and so of course, I want the best for them. And anyway, this is the JOB God assigned me to, in blessing me with them. Right?  It may sound like a tall order, but it all comes quite naturally for me. My LOVE for them, is my incentive.

It also comes just as naturally for me, to put myself, last. 

I say these 2 words to myself, all too often:  “I’M FINE.”  And more times than not, if all is well with my kids and husband, all is good in the world. I’m taking care of business pretty well.  In my own mind, I have taken what I thought was acceptable care of myself.  For instance, I don’t eat a lot of junk either.  The kids do eat full blown breakfast and lunches. I mean, I chuckle at their courses.  It must be the Italian in their blood, as every meal seems to be a real event.  Me? Well, I eat when I feel like I need to.  Usually because something is not feeling quite right.  And then I think, “OH, maybe I should eat.” So I stuff a quick carb in my mouth, or eat an apple. As long as it’s fast, because by golly, I have important things to do today!  Everyone tells me, that since I homeschool, and have triplets and/or 4 kids, that they are sure they (the kids schedules) keep me running around, and they just don’t know how I do it.  So I just go with that, and check off exercise. ; )  I have had medical appointments I should make, but REALLY……DO YOU KNOW how many appointments and commitments I am running my kids to on a weekly basis?  I really don’t need any more appointments on my calendar, thank you very much!  And for what?  I’M FINE.  Oh, I may go to one I can’t get out of now and then. But generally, if I can get out of doctor appointments for myself, I do.  Check-ups? Ppffftt!  I’M FINE!

I should know better, really. 

My own mother’s health, was never good.  I loved her very much.  She was a woman of deep and obvious faith in God. She lived it in most every way. She was a strong woman, except for addressing and correcting the treatment of herself. Her addictions, as I know they were, had a lifetime hold on her, that in my eyes, she never tried hard enough to beat. Her health and bad habits, were a constant source of tension and argument, between us. I was a difficult kid to raise. As a teenager, especially, I really gave her a run for her money, and pushed her limits.  But the older I got, and especially after becoming a mother myself, I really came around to understanding where all of her rules and fretting came from: Love for me. She and I really came full circle, and became very close, in the many years before her passing. Except for the health issue.  She was a heavy smoker, did not have healthy eating habits, did not get good exercise, and generally would not get it together. Heart disease and cancer ran in her family, and most every one of her siblings had already died from these things. She was the baby, and was digging her own grave. It was killing me to see her do it. I knew we would lose her sooner than any of us wanted, if she didn’t make efforts to get healthy.  We argued about it many times, and I even went so far as to bravely throw her great faith in God, in her face. Using God’s Word, to make her listen. Because she sure was not listening to me. But it didn’t work.

Her health issues put our whole family through hell many times. After that quadruple bypass heart surgery, she went on to have an aneurysm under her heart that required another emergency the doctor did not expect her to live through. But she did. Then, they couldn’t get her off life support with confidence she would take over breathing on her own.  But she did. However, she spent 5 months in a rehab facility (where she resumed smoking, as it turns out), finally got home and recovered once again.  But, she had a stroke a year later, and lost her speech, some motor skills, and ended up in a wheelchair. My father took care of her through it all, and living 2.5 hours away, we went out to help as much as we could too. Believe it or not, she really bounced back from all of that as well!  She was a ‘bull’, as my father often said. She was tough stuff, but she had said many times she really looked forward to going to Heaven and meeting Jesus, and the Blessed Mother (she loved the Rosary), more than she had the will to fight to live on earth. But she did.  I had prepared myself mentally so many times, for my mother’s imminent death.  She gave us all multiple opportunities. But it was 3 years following her stroke, when she seemed to have more brightness in her eyes, and spunk than ever, she died of a sudden heart attack at home, alone.  It sounds odd to say, but it really was unexpected, at that time.  We were shocked, and devastated.  All of my emotional and mental preparation, was for nothing. For the first time, I truly felt what real grief was. And I was mad at her too. My mother was a beautiful person, who really lacked some discipline with her health.

But I, am not my mother.

Right? In now knowing what my mother’s lifestyle was like, you may be able to imagine why I have presumed myself to be some better picture of health. I am not a smoker. Oh, I was, in my late teens and early 20’s, but I quit that long ago. Over 20 years ago. And I cannot even begin to express how much I despise cigarette smoke, anywhere around. I will go to great lengths, not to expose my children to it, in the least amount. Even outdoors. No one is aloud to smoke anywhere near us.  I do not get the foolishness, of smoking. I find is a repulsive habit. My weight is considered perfectly acceptable, for my height. Quite in the healthy range, I have heard, at my rare doctor appointments.  I’m a busy mom, so I get enough exercise.  I “eat to live, not live to eat”. (How’s that for justification? ; )  I’m running around all of the time. I’M FINE!

 


This is where the story gets…..eye opening.  Possibly comical.

Many weeks back now, I had been having a few really rough weeks.  To put it simply, I was T I R E D, and I was feeling quite pathetic.  Throughout my days, I was doing only what I had to do, for my family and home. I was sending my kids, to get me things in the next room, because the idea of getting up to get it myself, was an overwhelming thought, to me.  I got tired from just standing at the sink, and washing dishes.  I sat on the couch all I could, and flat out lied down and snuck in a nap, if I could. I’d catch a glimpse of me in the mirror, and be shocked at my appearance. I mean…I looked like hell. There was no 2 ways about it.  I looked like I hadn’t slept, in weeks. I was taking a shower and going to bed, soon after dinner.   Are you getting the picture?  All the while, I was really starting to feel very down about myself, and my lack of any energy. I wondered, “When, did I become this pathetic?  I am the picture of lazy. But I’m just so tired. Tomorrow, I’ll do more.”   I was really just having one dark day, after another, for weeks.

Then the day came along, when my husband showed me the mail. There was a letter from our life insurance company.  Apparently, they had put my policy on standby, because I had not followed up with a doctor, following my ER visit over the previous summer. (2010) It said something about severe anemia.  Oh yeah…..Well to make along story short, that summer night some months prior, I had woken up during the night with chest pain, and after not being able to take a good breathe, tingles my arm which then went numb, and breaking out in a cold sweat, I was sure I was suffering a heart attack. Mind you, that’s how my mother died, so I was freakin’. I went to the hospital via ambulance at 4 a.m., and asking them to pu-leaz not use any sirens, and wake up and scare my children. So anyway, doctor staff at the hospital had a few vague guesses as to what happened, but what they were most concerned about was unrelated, but something they had discovered with the blood labs they ran.  They told me I was eanemic, and they were extremely concerned about that. The doctor went on and on at my bedside, but what I could hear most, was my own happy voice in my head, “So, I wasn’t having a heart attack like my mother?  For real?  I’m good?  Sure, o.k., take this iron every day….O.K.  Gotcha! I’m so out of here!” I was so grateful to go home to my family.   A call later from my own physician, informed me I probably suffered a bout of Pleurisy. I did start taking the iron they suggested, but I found it caused other problems. 🙄  So I quit. No time for that.

But here were those words in front of me again, on this insurance letter: 

Severe Anemia.  It sounded familiar…..more familiar than just from the ER.  Hmmm.  Maybe THAT was why I was so tired lately?  But in the big picture at that moment, with that letter in my hand, I was concerned about the life insurance policy thing. I just needed to know that was active. So darn it all……I was going to have to make an appointment to go to the doctors, I guess.  I did, that day.  I went to bed early again, that night.

I slept good and hard, until I woke up because frankly, I had to go potty. Badly. Like….bladder about to burst. Much to my disappointment, there was no ignoring it and going back to sleep.  So I dragged myself up, went, and got back to bed as soon quick as I could. Which, frankly, was not very quick. Lying in bed again, I realized I was winded. “Really?” I thought. “From going potty?” Just then there was a great big crash upstairs.  I mean…..the house shook. I thought our youngest daughter must have fallen out of her bed in her room above us, but she never cried or called us. I could not even believe it, but Michael did not even jump, or miss a beat with his snoring beside me, when the crash happened.  I was annoyed with that. I grew increasingly irked, because now, I was continuing to hear….something upstairs.  Scampering. I thought then, maybe Olivia knocked something off her bed, and now she was searching under her bed in the dark, trying to find it? But it went on, and on, and on.   I wanted to wake Michael up, to go check out what was happening up there. Because I did not want to drag myself out of bed, and climb those stairs?  But then that made me feel pathetic again.  I said to myself, in my head, “Really.  You are going to wake up Michael, who is clearly quite deeply asleep, because you are too lazy to get up and go check yourself.”  That chat with me, made me feel bad enough to throw the covers back once again, and go check myself.

I turned on the stairwell light, and began the climb of the stairs. There seemed to be more steps, than the last time I went upstairs. But finally, I was standing in Olivia’s doorway, looking at her sound asleep on her bed. I could hardly believe my eyes. But, as I stood there and listened…..there was that noise again!  But she was asleep.  I wanted to check my oldest daughter’s room behind me, but all I could really think about was, “I can’t stand here. I want to sit down. Michael needs to do this.”  So I started back down the stairs.  I remember thinking, “It’s a long way to my bed from here….”, and I felt like I was dreaming for a second.  Next thing I know, I was in a whole lot of pain, and in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.  I was trying to stand….as the whole family was jumping out of bed and awake now, wide-eyed and shook up, wondering what just happened. I had fallen all the way down the stairs, and desperately did not want my kids to see me like that and scare them, but I could not find which way was UP.

I eventually got to my bed and got my feet elevated.  Michael got the kids settled and back to bed, and when I finally felt ‘right’ again, I knew something very telling just happened. I had not just slipped or fallen down the stairs.  I literally go so weak, that I literally collapsed and passed out.  I. Hurt. Everywhere.   But I began to figure out what happened.  Not only that night, but had been happening for weeks.  I had to guess that I was running lower, and lower, on iron. And that night, I just about bottomed out! Suddenly, I was sure it was that anemia problem. Good thing I had an appointment in a week or so. But the next day, I started taking that iron I was supposed to. Honestly, after 1 day, I felt like a new woman!  That confirmed to me, it was the iron deficiency issue I had been dealing with the past few weeks.  NOT Lazy Syndrome, as I feared.

I realized over the next few days though, that the incident really shook my kids up.  I was limping around, everywhere we went. Still tired, but less so.  But I was just bruised and battered all over, from the stairs fall.  And there was a familiarity to my state, that made me remember some other past situations I apparently had chosen to forget.   Like the bad (bad) shower fall I had, just a few years ago, when I closed my eyes for a second, and lost all balance. I was extremely tired in those weeks too.  It was around that time that I had gone to a pressured-into physical exam, needed or we would lose our doctor in that practice, or something. This visit, I was not seeing my own doctor, but his own physician assistant.  I hadn’t met her before, but when she came in, she said almost immediately, with quite a puzzled tone, “You know, I don’t really know you. But are you tired?  Because you look really, really tired to me.”  I responded that I was no more tired than I was usual for me. I was kind of used to ‘pushing through’.  She said that wasn’t normal. Even for moms, and ordered a full blood panel of work.   There was some iron/B12 issues, and that was why I was so tired. (Uhh…..anemic. Yes. Guess that was the word they used that time too.) As I recall, I even had to go for regular B12 shots for awhile, until we found the little pills worked well enough. When I took them.

The fall down the stairs not only scared me, it scared my kids.  The doctor appointment and subsequent blood work I had done, showed I was ‘Severely Anemic’.  That, after lots of daily iron for a week. So I knew….it was SO much worse, a week ago when I collapsed on the stairs.  I knew, and it haunted me…..I could have hit my head, and died.  And really, I guess I don’t eat well.  Not enough, and not at the right times. It’s not balanced.  Not to mention I probably should be exercising, you know, on purpose.  And there was a few other meds I’ve been supposed to be taking. But you know, I’ve never liked the idea, of having to taking medication. So it was another thing I was probably not doing well. The revelations were really just snowballing.  Oh yes, I should know I should be taking better care of myself.  But really, it was the fall down the stairs, that really woke me up.  Made me realize, I should be doing all I can, to be here, well and healthy, for my children. I really want to be. I do not want to put them through, all I went through, as a result of my own mother’s neglect of her health.  I don’t want them to suffer the grief of losing me, that I did with her.  Especially given that they are much younger.  They need me.  ME.

I Get It Now.

I feel guilty, for having ignored the signs all along the way. I mean, what a fool. I can hardly blame God, if it was Him, giving me a swift kick of His sandal in the backside, for a little wake-up-tumble.  If it was Him, and I think it was, I thank Him, really.   I am eating more frequently now, and really making sure it’s balanced food groups. I am exercising, on purpose, regularly, and getting my heart rate up, at least a few times a week.  I have had several doctors appointments now, and yes…..it’s as much as a hassle as I knew it would be, and it is a great big pain, fitting such extra appointments on my already busy-enough calendar.  I am working on taking all of the medications (supplements of sorts) I was supposed to be taking.  There is one that is taking a bigger commitment to stay on, that I am also coming to terms with, because I know I need it.  (There’s a good few, for more than I wanted to get into this time. Mostly just the way I am made up. Like the low iron, no matter how much iron rich food I eat. And a B12 deficiency to boot. I simply need to supplement these things, forever. Then there are genetic numbers, as well. But this is long enough, don’t you think? I can say I have always been dismissive of having to take medication. Until I realized I had to, for various things.) I have a weekly pill box now, with everything I need to take daily. And I really do. Yes, it’s kind of a bother. But my children, my family, they are worth it.  For gosh sakes, who would keep everyone else healthy around here, if I was gone?  While I have never had really bad health habits, I could be a better example, and have really good ones. I should be a SHINING EXAMPLE. After all, I know from experience, that a mother’s lifestyle, can effect her children’s lives and hearts, in so many ways. I’m seriously working on it all now. BALANCE. I need to be healthy and HERE, to take care of everyone else too. AND YOU DO TOO!!

I could really ride the excuse or 2, that my brain so quickly serves up, to start slipping back into my old ways. But when I do, I remind myself of the same kind of words I used at my mother, that I still think was such a valid argument, and one than cannot be denied:

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”   (Corinthians 6: 19-20)

 Thank you so much, for reading. It’s difficult enough for me to let down my walls, with the people in my life.
Never mind spill my heart, to the whole world.  But it is my hope you might take any little bit of encouragement, from my story.
Blessings to you. – Laura

* * * * * *

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Filed Under: Faith, Into the Light; The Series, Life In General, Parenting, The Big Picture Tagged With: anemia, health, mother's health, motherhood, Parenting, self-health, women's health

Braces Off & Earrings In.

December 21, 2012 By Laura 8 Comments

 So sure, these things happen every single day.  No big deal really.  Except we all know they are kind of a big deal within a family.  These 2 happenings in our family, were in the same day!  In fact, within the same hour. While our oldest girl was getting her braces off at the orthodontic’s office, her little sister was getting her ears pierced just across the way.  Both were somewhat of a long time coming, and so they were exciting. And anyway, we tend to  celebrate every-little-thing in life, because well, we enjoy joy.

Of course, I took a photo of Alexis before we left for her appointment . . . . . . .

And after (on the next day…)…


Truth be told, when we got the news, I was more excited than she was about getting her braces off.  She’s not much about appearances, under any circumstances. She’s just a different kind of girl sometimes, and you know, it’s another reason why we love her so much. Her reply about getting her braces off was this;  “I’ll just be happy to *finally* be able brush my teeth correctly again!”


She’s a very happy brusher now.

And here’s our beautiful, sweet little ‘O’ . . . . . .


. . . . . . but with earrings now.

She wanted them pierced when she was 9 years old. Her Daddy said, “Maybe when you’re 10.”  Boy did that year fly by for Daddy. ; )  Her birthday was at the end of August, but I’m kind of a freak about these things I guess, and I really (really) did not want to take her to any mall-type place. I spent months trying to get it done by a true piercer specialist. I just couldn’t get my hands on the one thing I needed. I won’t bother repeating myself about the details of that, but if you’re on Facebook and interested, you should be able to read more about that here.


Anyway, she really reminds me of her paternal grandmother in these photos.
‘O’ has a 7 week countdown to when she can take these little CZ posts out, and wear the teeny-tiny dangle earrings she bought with her own money at the waterfront festival this year.  (And also another count-down to a year or so from now, when she and her triplet brothers will have their braces put on.)

So for all of you who were asking for photos, there you go! All 4 of them are growing so fast. These ages, milestones and stages seem to be behind us before we even see them coming!  Maybe because we are so distracted by living and celebrating the present.  Even the little things. That’s got to be a good thing. It sure feels good.Ct

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Filed Under: Celebrations, Life In General, Parenting, The Big Picture Tagged With: Catholic-blogs, Catholic-families, getting-dental-braces-off, getting-ears-pierced

“I Am Third” | A Wood Pallet Sign

December 5, 2012 By Laura 9 Comments

It’s always a great day, when I finally get something OUT of my head, and am able to find the time to bring it to life, and have it real and in front of me.  It makes me happy because, there’s a whole lot in my head, that never (ever) gets out!  I wish I could do all of the projects that I actually think of, but I have other joyful obligations too, than just being all artsy 24/7.  So only a small percentage of my notions ever actually come to be.
I’m really glad this one did though, because it’s a meaningful one in our home.

The vision was a wood pallet sign.  And we usually have no shortage of those, as this is what our driveway often looks like . . . . . .

. . . . and there’s more where those came from.  Michael is able to get them from work by the load anytime.  Many of them he chops up and we burn in our wood stove. Free wood is always good!  But they are great for many other things too.  And a pallet was perfect for my idea for the sign I wanted to make.

The theme of the sign is a phrase we are fond of in our family, and try to live by, and it is this:

 
I am third.

You may well guess all on your own.
Like all families with many kids, one of my tasks as a parent is to teach my children to always put God first, be compassionate of others, and make great efforts to be selfless whenever possible.  Having triplets, you can imagine we’ve had many teachable moments and conversations about this kind of thing from toddler-hood on up, while encouraging them to share, and not grow with any kind of mindset that our own wants and needs should always or ever be first. That’s just not how we roll, as Christians.  Of course, this philosophy of serving, goes far beyond the constraints of our family, and the walls of our home. It applies to our world and every day we live in it, and with all whom we interact with across the board, from absolute strangers, to acquaintances, to loved ones a part of our personal lives, and everyone in between whom we happen upon daily .  I want that to stick with my kids, as they grow older in their faith, and take on this world, with all of their plans and dreams before them. It can only help, for each one of us to be reminded often.


And so with another an extra piece of plywood, some old extra nails we had on hand, and some paint and a brush, the pallet sign I saw in my head for so long, was created:


Because of the list form of my idea, I saw the pallet as the perfect material for the sign.
It was cut down to a size of about 20″ x 27″.


I wanted it kept as simple as possible. Rustic, raw, and straightforward. Sure, it may not always be easy to live the message.
But God always forgives us, and we always have the opportunity to keep on trying.
It is a simple concept to remember, in terms of the priorities we want to strive to serve in our life:
God
Others
Self

For some reason, I always saw it in this darker red.  When it came time to paint, I stopped and considered other colors.
But I really needed to create it just as I had envisioned it for so long. Or else I could go crazy.

Michael hung it up the very same day. Right there where we all see it, again and again, every day.  He loves it as much as I do.
I suppose others may come into our home, start to read it, and be a little perplexed.  But one of the most cherished things about having a home to me, is making it a place that is meaningful to our family. It’s the little things, that are personal and of the heart, that make it feel like home.  And this sign….. and all it says….it means something to us.  It’s an awareness that we want to be reminded of, again and again. Not just the kids. But all of us. I know I can use such a gentle reminder, as often as anyone else.

There is lots more space on this particular wall in our open living space, up there with the clock. The wall is much bigger than it even appears in this photo, with the cathedral ceiling.  We realize the sign is so flush left, and leaves the wall as a whole quite unbalanced. But we’re ok with that for now.  Soon enough, the wall all around the clock will be filled with other things that mean something to us. Maybe more signs.  Who knows. But we have no desire to rush these things, just to fill up and balance the wall. It’s what is hanging there, that matters to us.
All of the space? Well, that’s what I call inspiration. Like a blank sheet of lined paper, or a canvas.  The possibilities are endless, and exciting.

The kids have really embraced the lesson, most days. But when they are together and it’s needed, because one, or some, or all are reverting back to looking out for themselves over little things,  I like to remind them:
“If everyone put everyone else second, you’ll always actually be second, too! Not third. Right? So just be a good example.”  ; )
I’m a tricky Mama. ; )


I wonder what I’ll be able to get out of my head, next.

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Filed Under: Crafts & Creations, DIY (Do-It-Yourself) Project, Faith, Faith/ Catholic, Home Decor, Into the Light; The Series, Life In General, Parenting, Re-Purposing, The Big Picture, The Homestead Tagged With: Christianity, Faith, God-first, home decor, pallet-ideas, pallet-projects, Parenting, rustic-signs, signs, wall-signs, wood-pallet-signs

The Loss of Our Hedgehog | Children Learning About Life, Loss and Sadness.

November 20, 2012 By Laura 15 Comments

If you follow us on Facebook or Twitter, you may already know we lost our only pet recently.
Pixel was Alexis’ hedgehog, really. She’s the one that researched hedgehogs and pleaded for one for a year, paid for her (not cheap!), and took care of her the most.  Still, we all loved Pixel right off the bat. Most surprisingly, was me.  I especially don’t like dogs and cats. There are people in our lives I really don’t want to know that, because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. But I never knew, or wondered, what I would think of a quilled little creature, until Pixel came along . . . . . .

I surprised myself the day she came home as a little baby, and I kind of fell for her.  She really was the sweetest little thing. Just a quilled little handful of love.
And she never grew too much bigger than that. In the next couple of years, Alexis and Pixel were practically inseparable.

Many school days, Pixel was with Alexis while she did her school work.


She got lots of love and attention, in between subjects.
.

We were always trying to get her to eat fruits or vegetables. We thought she’d feel privileged this one day, with the first strawberries pick of the season from our garden, but she declined.
And not politely, but with a HUFF.

The kids loved to play with her, giving her rides and such. . . . . .
. . . . .and Pixel loved to find places to hide. She was always looking for somewhere to curl up into a ball, and go to sleep.
It was hilarious when she went under the truck, but couldn’t back up to get out, because of her quills.

She even became somewhat of a little star.


Alexis had created a comic strip series around her, called Catholic Hedgehog, and some of the strips were shared on the Catholic TV forum a few times.

She occasionally went places with us, since she was pocket-sized, and potty-trained too!
Once, she even we went down to the Plymouth Waterfront with us.  People were so intrigued with her.
“What is it? A porcupine?”

She’s been a part of our life,  So we were all getting concerned when she seemed to be having some health problems a few months back. Alexis made an appointment for her (her first ever!) with Firehouse Veterinary Clinic who somewhat specialized in exotic animals, and although it took a few weeks on a medication, Pixel seemed to get better.  But then she wasn’t again. She was not eating much, and she had lost a lot of weight. Alexis was really upset about it, not knowing what was wrong or how to help her get better for good, and so was the trio.  She went back to the vet again, and after an examination, and Pixel not even huffing through it all, the vet said there was nothing he really could do to help her.  Alexis was crushed. He did offer to put her to sleep, but Alexis declined, since we had every intention of voting NO on Question 2. (Physician Assisted Suicide).  So the vet gave Alexis some sugar water, and some special wet food, to try and give her at home.

Surprisingly, Alexis did get Pixel eating pretty well, although she was hand-feeding her with a syringe. But she seemed to be doing better for a few days, and we all had hope Pixel would recover.  We were happy to report that, when the vet’s called to check on how Pixel was doing. But only a few days later, she went downhill again.  Alexis was distraught that day, and felt so helpless. She set Pixel up beside her bed that night, and got up all night giving her a drink of water with the syringe and comforting her, because Pixel seemed too weak to even be able get up and stand anymore.  She had stopped eating altogether.

  The next morning, it was a school day, but none of us cared.  The kids were gathered around Pixel, and they were all so quiet. Pixel was lying on her pretty flowered fleece blanket on the table, just blinking.  The kids knew it wasn’t looking good for. She was not doing well at all. Definitely worse than the night before.  Her breathing was labored, and she hardly moved.  I couldn’t help but watching the 4 of them, with their quiet moods, and compassionate expressions on their faces, as they spoke quietly to her, and stroked her quills softly, in the morning sunlight that came through the windows onto the table.  These were the tough lessons in life, we all need to learn how to face.  As much as I wish I could forever protect my children from any sadness and heartaches that life brings, I can’t.  I knew, while this was so difficult for them, these moments were preparing them for much harder losses in their life to come.
And as they held her tiny paw, she took her last breathe.

Alexis scooped her up and just sobbed.  The trio were all quietly crying too. I think maybe, they hurt more for seeing Alexis hurt so much, than they did for the loss of Pixel.
So did I.


We all said goodbye to her, and Alexis wrapped her in her prettiest fleece blanket.
.

When Michael (Daddy) came home, he built a small casket for her.
Alexis used her wood-burner to engrave it with her name and dates.
And still wrapped in her blanket, she laid her inside. Michael nailed it closed.
And Alexis cried more tears.

That night I didn’t sleep well. As I lied in bed thinking about the rough day we had had, I knew we had done many things right in preparing our kids for things like this. Sickness. Death. The loss of a loved one.  In my own life experiences, I never went to a wake until I was in high school. My siblings and I had been to many funerals of neighbors or relatives, but never to a wake.  It was my uncle’s, and it was a loss I felt the most sad about up until that point in my life, than any I had had before. So I had wished I had been to wakes, before his.

But the very first real loss I had of someone in my life, who I loved a lot, was my mother. I had never really lost someone close to me before. I had never even known grief, until I lost her. What a way to break me in. It hit me like a train. I was not prepared for the emotional toll it took on me. At all.  The grief was deep for months. And I was in my mid 30’s.  But I felt like a child, in my difficulty coming to terms with the loss, like a child. Maybe because I was the child. So I have wanted to do all l I can to prepare my kids for losing those they love, and helping them learn how to deal with those feelings, talk about it, and find the comforts that help them cope.  Alexis, the oldest, has already lost 2 grandparents she loved dearly. She had established a relationship with them, loved them, and had many memories of both of them. So she has felt the loss of them in her heart. The trio were too young to remember a whole lot of either of their grandparents they lost. Some memories, but not years of them. So it’s been easier for them. Still, they have lost others they have known since, and for all they have attended their wakes, and their funerals if possible. With lots of conversations before and after, of course, and they have handled it all very well.

So it is with the loss of Pixel. Sure, she was just a pet. But I think it is important for them to go through the process, because they, especially Alexis, was so sad to to lose her.  While no one ever gets used to losses, or gets good at all of the feelings that come with it, I do think it is important for children to become slowly familiar with it all, and not shelter them from the realities of it.  I feel it’s right for my children anyway, and Michael agrees. Death, the loss, and grief, are all a part of God’s greater plan for every life.  But it’s real and it’s necessary to face these things with the smaller losses, or those people they haven’t known very well or were very close to. Because the sadness is still there. Not just our own, but other’s. I’ve been grateful to be able to be there for my children and help them through it, as we’ve lost ones we love in our life together so far.

Knowing we did need to go through the rest of the process for Pixel, and still lying in bed pondering through the night hours, I wondered where we could bury her in the yard.  It took a bit of thinking, because probably next year or so, every part of our yard, both upper and lower, will be completely dug up and rearranged. So I was trying to think of somewhere that would definitely not be getting disturbed. That’s when I thought of in the railroad-tie planter walls behind the house. It was perfect.

The next morning, Michael dug Pixel’s grave, to bury her.


With the trio by her side, Alexis put her beloved hedgehog in the ground.
.


I gave Alexis a stone cross I had had, to use as Pixel’s grave marker, which I thought was so appropriate and feminine.  Pixel was a girl, after all.
But surprisingly, her father also gave her permission to burn her name into the railroad-tie wall.   I was surprised he let her do that.  But she really wanted to, and again, I feel like these are the things that help one cope with the loss, and give us closure.  Even the burning itself, on the little casket, and letter by letter, into the wall.
.

It was all harder than I ever imagined experiencing, over a pet.  I mean, we had lost a couple beta fish before, Bubbles and then Reagan -the red Republican fish.
Then there was William, the royal turtle.  They managed those losses quite fine.
But Pixel, the Catholic Hedgehog, was just different, for my kids.
What was hardest for me, was watching my girl have such a hard time.
She was so sad.


She was breaking my heart.  But I was glad to be there whenever she needs me, to help comfort her through it all.  And I was really proud with all she did to take care of Pixel, all by herself.
She had handled the vet appointments all by herself and everything. From the calls for appointments, to the actual exam and discussion with the doctor, in there all by herself. Because she wanted to. She took care of Pixel right to the end, and laid her to rest with her own hands too.


I really couldn’t hug her enough.
And every time I did, I knew it was just what she needed.


It really is the perfect spot.
.

And we all kind of smile now, when we look out the window, and remember Pixel.
She really was a quilled little handful of love.
And she taught our kids so much; About responsibility, and love.
And letting go.
While we hold on to the memories that make us smile, and our hearts grow happy again.

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Filed Under: Faith, Faith/ Catholic, Life In General, Parenting, The Big Picture Tagged With: Catholic-blogs, Catholic-families, children-and-loss-of-pets, hedgehog-photos, hedgehogs, kids-learning-to-cope-with-loss, loss-of-pets, pets, teaching-kids-about-loss

Part II: A Day of Celebration Fun! | Our Triplets’ 10th Birthday

September 10, 2012 By Laura 1 Comment

triplets-10th-birthday-beach-10

 I told you Part II was coming!  There could be a Part III but, I can let it go. It was a big day though, and I took a lot of photos of so many special moments. (If you missed it, you can find Part I here.) But listen, here’s the truth of it all:  You know I (we) love to share with you our crafting ideas, house projects, decor, recipes, and all of that. But our kids . . . . . . They are our greatest creation of all! Well, God’s creation, of course, of ours. They are the reason we celebrate, every day. And they really love to see and read the posts on our blog!  Especially the ones about them. It’s their childhood memories recorded, for them to hold onto. So if you want to skip it, we won’t hold it against you.  : )

So, after their big water balloon fight at the park, we came straight to the beach for just a couple of hours, before dinner and their birthday surprise.  Of course they had already been in the sun for some time, so birthdays or not, it was time for sunscreen! Confession time:  Over the past 15 years of raising my 4 kids, I have realized there are only 2 ‘mom jobs’ I have really hated:  1) When they were very little, putting on and tying all of their shoes! Uuu-Gh. 2) And the other is putting sunscreen on them.  (OH!  And the wiping in the bathroom while potty training too! But gosh, that one’s a given. Isn’t it?)  Sometimes, Michael and I can still hear in our heads, the little voices yelling from the bathroom, “I’M DONE!!”

What you should know about me is, when I really hate doing something, I’m going to find a way out of it! So all of the shoes and boots thing got to a point with the triplets where I just announced one day “OK! That’s it. Today, we are going to spend the whole day just learning how to put on and tie your very own shoes, all by yourself! Isn’t that exciting, Guys? I don’t really care if you are only 9 months old.”  (Kidding.)

For the sunscreen applying, here’s my trick.  First I just spray them, and then I line them up like a train . . . . . .

sunscreen-tip-for-moms-of-many-kids Am I a mean Mama, or what? Turns out, they don’t like putting sunscreen on any more than I do! Imagine that. They just had no idea the fun they were missing out on. For the rest of their bodies, I spray it where it needs to go, and the rub it in themselves. But for their backs, they need each other.  What do you think of that?

Personally, I think I’m a genius.

Something had to be done. We practically live on the beach.

triplets-10th-birthday-beach The ocean is like our backyard.

triplets-10th-birthday-beach-1 They are all serious water babies.  Probably most of all Olivia, who is difficult to get out of the water. She even asks to take a shower at really odd times; and I know she just wants/needs to get into the water.

triplets-10th-birthday-beach-2 Probably least of all, is Shane. The boy cannot take the cold water! Look at him!  Its like . . . . . . excruciating for him! They were trying to all put their feet up together and next to each other, but he just couldn’t stand it any longer, and bailed.

triplets-10th-birthday-beach-3 But Olivia and JackMichael managed.  And that got me pondering one of those little weird life questions . . . . . .

triplets-10th-birthday-beach-4 How can the bottom of 2 little people’s feet, be such different colors?  They are siblings. ‘Super-twins’, even.  I do know that JM’s feet sweat and stink more.  Maybe that is some kind of clue to this mystery. But I’m not sure what to do with it, to figure this out.

007
Oh; this one.  I’ve got to catch you all up on her. She’s got a lot of exciting things happening in her life. Especially for a just-turned-15 year old.  And I’ll tell you what else:  I think I’ve been warned 1,000 times over in life, about what a nightmare being a parent of a teen is. I’m here to say, if this is as bad as it gets with any of our kids, we’ll be getting off easy! I’m thanking God she’s our ‘trail-blazer’. (That’s what I call her. ; )  That’s my little hot reminder to her, that she is setting an example, every day! Hoping the littles are taking notes!

Not to say she is perfect, by any means . . . . . .

triplets-10th-birthday-beach-5 ( Taunting her sister with seaweed. )

triplets-10th-birthday-beach-6 Remember doing this as a kid? There’s a sure way to get sand in your shorts.

triplets-10th-birthday-beach-7 Sometimes, I love to just watch them.

triplets-10th-birthday-beach-8 Olivia senses the Mamapaparrazzi is watching.

I’ve got to tell you:  My most favorite photo of the day, I can’t even show you! It’s almost killing me, too. But my boy asked me not to please blog it or put on Facebook.  (Actually, he said, “You better not!”) And, I would never go ahead and do it anyway. I try very hard not to embarrass my kids, or ever disrespect their privacy, online.  When I think of it, I’m pretty happy my mother wasn’t blogging and all over the internet while she was raising . . . you know . . . . Cain. (Or is it…me, who was raising cane? Well, whatever.) But back to the photo of my boy – I’ll just tell you that it involved losing his bathing suit shorts a bit, on his backside.  Oh my goodness. It’s just the sweetest shot. When they were little toddlers, and losing their diaper a bit, I thought it was so cute! I would have thought that my gushing over it would go away as they got older but….nope!  Still wicked cute. (Ask me again when they are teens. I promise you; There will be no “lookin’ like a fool with their pants on the ground”. ; )  Not cute, and not happening, when they are older.

triplets-10th-birthday-beach-9 Anyway. This day was going by too fast. It was time to get home and take showers, before heading to dinner and their big surprise, which would be Part III. But as of this posting, those photos aren’t even processed yet.  So in case I never get to it, after dinner we went to our favorite park, and gave them their gift: Razor Scooters in their own colors, and gear. (Helmets, pads, etc.) Boy were they happy! It was awesome to see them so excited, hop right on them and go racing off and racing each other, around the park.

I know most of you have your own joys and blessings, in the way of children, as well. And for those we know, we love to watch your children grow up, in various ways as we can too.  It’s nice to share the special (or difficult) moments of this parenting gig, with each other. Kids. They don’t always make life easy. But gosh, they sure do make life worth it!  God is so good, and we are so thankful to Him, for blessing us as He has.

Thanks for stopping by. And please say hi. Hope you didn’t get any sand in your shorts while you were here. : )

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Filed Under: Celebrations, Parenting, Photography, The Big Picture Tagged With: Catholic-blogs, Catholic-families, family-celebrations, kids-beach-fun, multiple-kids-sunscreen-trick, triplet-birthdays, triplets

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