Into the Light; The Series Archives

Easter Reflection (by Laura)

April 26, 2011 By Laura 2 Comments

They found the stone rolled away from the tomb; but when they

entered,they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. ~Luke 24:2

I am still very much growing, in my faith, and particularly in my Catholic faith. I imagine I always will be. Or I hope that will be the case, anyway. For every Liturgical Season that I live through, I find a little more seeps in. I grasp a familiar Scripture a little more than before, as the clarity of the story is as real as a movie playing in my mind….I am there, I see, I smell, I feel. I forget where I physically am. And then the message of it all, speaks to me on a personal level, in regards to my own life, it’s current circumstances, and my own self. The moment of Consecration; when the bread and wine transforms into the living Body and Blood of Christ, makes my heart leap with excitement, and my spirit crave approaching His table once again, and becoming one with Jesus. With every passing season, I find I am falling deeper, and deeper, in love with my Catholic faith.

But there is no denying, that the connection and attention I earnestly pay to my faith, ebbs and flows from day to day, week to week, and month to month. It depends on how much is going on in my life, what is going on in my life, what kind of focus I have had lately anyway, and what Liturgical Season we are in. How much I have so weakly let myself become distracted with earthly matters and struggles, which are only temporary, as we all know.

So it most always starts out with Lent, as is did this year. Not every year – but some, and maybe most. Certainly this year. Ash Wednesday approaches, and I think, “Really? Already? When is Easter? It’s only 40 days away?”

So naturally we attend this Holy Day of Obligation, Ash Wednesday, and our Lenten journey begins. By then I have reviewed with the children once again, in our morning Scripture study/prayer time together, about this period in our faith and life that comes every year, and how important it is to prepare ourselves for the coming events. And I have also made my Lenten choices to live by, in hopes of ultimately growing yet a little closer still, to Christ, by the time Easter arrives.

But as I do all of this, at the start of Lent (certain years), it’s admittedly all too much like mere obligations. Motions I go through, as it is just time to do these things. I am shamefully aware of how emotionally or passionately disconnected I am, from this annual journey I am embarking on once again. As the days pass, I stay true to my Lenten choices, and try to take the time to reflect on how they should be helping me grow. But I fleetingly question it, brushing away the weight of guilt I feel inside. I know I am not paying enough attention, and I am struggling with truly giving the attention and time needed, to invest my heart as it should be.

The more Easter draws closer, the more I fear; I am really going to blow it, this year. I’m down on myself about it, yet I don’t do enough, to really change it, really. Maybe because I am afraid it won’t help anyway. Or maybe because I am, again…..too weak and distracted to switch gears as I know I should. Whatever the reason, I acknowledge I am lacking inspiration, for THE-most-important-season of my Catholic faith. Instead of seeking the inspiration, putting the time in, giving it a chance to all come together, I carry on as I have been. With a piece of me inside, quietly puzzled, confused,…..maybe lost?

Then comes Holy Week, and everything changes. It’s as if my Father loves me too much, to let me, let myself down.

The call gets louder, and my spirit and heart respond more readily. The Holy Spirit invades me with a vengeance, with no denial of it’s presence within me, and gets my attention once and for all. I find myself alive. Intrigued. Eager. PRESENT. In heart and mind. Not much else matters to me through the next Triduum of days, as we attend Mass daily. Not much else, can keep my attention. I’m all but mesmerized by the events of these days in Jesus’ life on earth, that played out exactly according to the Scripture. Emotions are at their surface, for me during this time. My mind is focused, and my heart is full of so much,….ever changing. Holy Thursday; Jesus’ last supper with his disciples, the betrayal to come, the agony in the garden, as he sweat drops of blood. His knowing what lied before Him. All that would happen to Him. His acceptance of it as the command of His Father, and His love for us. Good Friday; the deep sadness inside, the thoughts of helplessness I knew His mother must have felt, like others who loved Him and believed he was in fact, the Son of God. The visions of Him being tortured, scourged & spit upon. The heavy cross. The pain and thirst. And mercy. His death. It’s a day of much silence and prayer for us all, as a family. And as I (we) fast, I am filled with such nourishment and satisfaction. I treasure that day with my family, in so many ways. Then Good Friday evolves into Holy Saturday, as we continue to grieve and feel so sacrificed for, with the ultimate price. His life. We find ourselves so thankful and encouraged, that we will celebrate His Resurrection soon, as He said He would, and have good reason to sing ALLELUIA!

Easter is most always a memorable occasion, that we as a family have always enjoyed. But this Easter in particular was the best, most beautiful, most perfect Easter, ever – for me. I was truly rejoicing in my heart the entire day, relishing in the amazement of what Jesus Christ did for me, for you, and for you, and for us all! Realizing, in yet another layer of understanding and truth, just what that means for us all. And cherishing my family, as we celebrated together, knowing how very blessed we are to have each other, and the people in our lives. Loving, how we continue to grow in our Catholic faith, as a family. Happy, that our efforts to keep Christ as the center of the 6 of us as a family unit, no matter what, has been rewarding and given us strength when we have most needed it. In times when others have let us down, time and again, or turned away. He is there. He is always there, always understanding, always forgiving, and with love that does not and will not ever end.

We have all we will ever need.

We have each other.

More importantly, we have Him.

He, who gives us nourishment, strength, and hope.

And has given us the GIFT, of ever-lasting life.

ALLELUIA.

**********

Hoping you had such a blessed & beautiful Easter as well.

(A small collection of photos of the kids, from Easter Day, to come. )

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Thoughts on LIFE.

January 26, 2010 By Laura 9 Comments

We’ve got a pretty great pastor at our parish. He has lots of admirable qualities as a person, and a pastor of our parish. But if there is one thing that really hits me about this man, time and time again, it’s his gift in giving great homilies. Every homily I have ever heard him give, has been beyond impressive to me. For every time that I have ‘come to’, sitting their in our usual church pew, from the place that I had been while listening to his homily, I find myself wishing that I could have recorded that for our blog. His homilies paint vivid pictures. They are well thought out. Stumble-free. Notes-free. Full of expression. Fact filled. They come full circle, without ever knowing of the constant curve you were taking, and pack a punch in the end. Every one just leaves me longing for a good chunk of time, to ‘just sit there with that’, and ponder it longer.

So with such effective presentation, I hesitate to even attempt to restate it. I will definitely fail in repeating it, in the amazing manner he did. But I do want to share with you the gist of it.

In part, the object of his homily, was to give us a better grasp, on the large numbers, in terms of death tolls that come of tragedies we are all too familiar with. He spoke of 9/11 in 2001, and how in the end, the finale death toll totaled in excess of 3,000 lives lost in that terrorist attack on our country. He spoke of the tsunami in Indonesia in 2004, when it was estimated to be around 250,000 people who had lost their lives. And most recently on everyone’s minds, the earthquake in Haiti, where at that time on Sunday, it was last reported that 120,000 lives were ended.

To think of exactly how many lives that is, is difficult, at best. Each and every life, is of great value! They are human beings, who were loved by somebody, if not many. They were each created, one by one, by the hand of God. Each unique and specially designed….like no other. So to really fully comprehend lives lost, in the numbers of thousands, is near impossible. The media focuses as best they can, on the individual life stories of people, families, heart-ache, grief, and the rescues that bring that little bit of hope back to all of us. And to those still looking for their loved ones. So that we GET IT. But to imagine the magnitude of tragic deaths, with such high tolls, is so great, we just can’t adequately wrap our brains around it.

To look at the combined lives lost in these 3 tragic events, is in excess of 370,000 lives. LIVES. PEOPLE. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends, daughters, sons. Children. Babies, who had their whole lives ahead of them.

So imagine this.

Since Roe vs. Wade was put into effect 37 years ago (as of this year of 2010), over 500,000,000 lives, have been ended. 500 MILLION! That is over 36 Million PER YEAR!! Wrap your brain around THAT. The senselessness of each and every one, brings me to my knees. While again, EVERY SINGLE LIFE is INVALUABLE, that number of abortions performed far, far exceeds even the total of the combined tragic events discussed here.

Fr. Ken then shared a story, from his early years of priesthood, and his assignment in working with Project Rachel. For those of you who do not know, Project Rachel is an outreach program for those suffering the usually inevitable grief and guilt associated with the previous act, or ‘choice’ of abortions. He said 1=one woman’s story struck him so profoundly, he never forgot it:

It was the story of a woman, who was in her college years, and found herself pregnant. She was pressured, by everyone around her, that this baby would ruin her life. That her dreams would be destroyed, and impossible to accomplish, with a child. She said that although she knew in the back of her mind it was wrong, she was scared, and had the abortion.

The years that followed were filled with days that haunted her. She wondered what her child would have been like. Was it a girl or a boy? What would he or she have looked like? She would notice children everywhere, that were about the age her child would have been. She would see and hear children running, laughing, playing on a playground, and feel such pain and grief in her heart.

She eventually married, and had a family. But there was a hole inside her that she could not fill, no matter how hard she tried. She wanted to forget. To at least let go of the weight of guilt and loss she felt. But there it was, every morning when she opened her eyes. She hadn’t even been able to bring herself to tell her husband of the burden she carried. She feared he would leave her. After all, who could love someone, who would kill their own child? She couldn’t even forgive or love herself, for what she had done.

She carried that secret around, alone, for 15 years. Until one day, she was reading a fictional book. A made up story, that happened to have a character, who went to Confession, to seek forgiveness. And she knew in that moment, what she needed. What she wanted, more than anything. Forgiveness from God. She knew that was was exactly all she needed. So that she could forgive herself, and finally find peace, and be free.

There was one small problem. She wasn’t even Catholic. But that was not enough to stop her from what her heart so desperately needed. So took the steps she needed, went through the entire months long process, got all of the instruction, and did indeed become a Catholic, all so that she could receive the Sacrament of Penance. And she did, the very moment that she could. It was all the healing her heart needed. She knew God had forgiven her. She knew that her child, too, had forgiven her. And so, despite her sadness over the choice that she made, she was able to forgive herself, and find that peace for her heart she had wanted and needed for so many years.

Fr. Ken circled us back to the tragedies that have taken so many lives, and changed forever, the lives of so many others. He spoke of how beautiful it is, that when things of such devastating nature occur, people come together. People generally come together in forces, to make a difference. To relieve the suffering, give to the needy, and work together to get the jobs done. People volunteer. People donate. Celebrities of all kinds use their faces for good, working themselves to make a difference, and encouraging others to do the same. People pray. People go. People give. People sacrifice. People offer any useful tools of use they may have, to make a difference in any way they can. It is indeed, a beautiful, amazing, and powerful force, when people’s compassion rises above all else, and comes together. As miracles come to light, faith, bit by bit, is restored. As is LOVE, for all people. Each and every single rescue gives us reason to celebrate LIFE. And thank God for it.

As Fr. Ken ended his homily, on a note of such hope, I thought about those numbers. I thought about all of the people that HAVE come together in the wake of such tragedies. Our armed forces. The Red Cross. Emergency personnel. Celebrities. Missionary workers. Ordinary people, like you and me. All of those people, that together by the thousands, do anything they can, to SAVE people, to RESCUE even as much as ONE LIFE. Because every life is invaluable. One life, IS worth saving. It’s the truth. Many of us thank God, that so many come forth to help, for the sake of lives on the line.

And I wondered: Out of all of these millions of people who have given anything and everything they can, in a great effort to rescue others in these heart-breaking and horrific disasters, and give them back the opportunity to live their life…..How many are pro-choice?

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Un-Expectations – Serving Others and Gratitude

August 19, 2009 By Laura 7 Comments

I’ve said it a zillion times before, and at least 1/2 zillion on this blog: I believe, without question, that God gives every one of us gifts. And I believe, without question, that in discovering those gifts, one is receiving a direct message from God > ‘Use them in my Name. Use them, to serve Me, by serving others.‘

I think we all know, or most of us anyway, when God is calling us to serve Him, by serving others. It’s a feeling inside. For me, it’s not something I ponder, or decide, if it is indeed a situation I am called to serve. I just know, it is. I know I have to do it. Like a whisper of the heart, that is God’s unspoken words. There is sometimes joy, sometimes not much, but always peace, in serving Him through others. And it’s enough for me, to work by His side. For I know the love and healing He will bring those who need Him, and those who turn to Him. It’s more than enough, for me.

I don’t always talk much, about when He calls me to serve Him, or how. There’s not always a need to. These kinds of things tend to put me in quiet mode. That it itself, only verifies again, that it is not my work. It is His. I am just a tool, and even one that He created.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard the UPS truck pull up. He comes every day with supplies or orders for me, just about, so it was not unusual. But the kids love to wait until the UPS man drives away (it’s a safety rule we have), open the front door, and retrieve the package(s) off the deck.

“It’s for Mama“, I heard my oldest daughter tell the little ones. She put it on the floor beside me, at my desk, and when I looked down, I was puzzled. I was trying to remember, what on earth I had ordered, that was so big. Then I tried to remember ANYTHING I was expecting around those few days. But I couldn’t recall a thing.

I looked in the corner of the box, and saw a last name. It hit me then. The realization of who it was from, made me catch my breath, and it felt like my heart hit the floor. Such unexpectation. I froze, trying to take it all in. And then I broke down and sobbed. The tears just flowed out like a river. Right in front of my children. (Somehow, they just knew I was ok. That I was just….having a moment.)

It didn’t matter what was in the box, really. I was so filled with emotion over the surprise of it all, that it was all I could handle at the time. I did open the box at the excited urging of my children, eventually, and found this gorgeous gift basket. But It took me days to find the words to explain all I felt inside. To figure out why I was struck, with such a flood of emotions, which I hadn’t quite been able to label just yet.

But in the days to follow, I was able to sort it all out, and decipher all I was feeling.

See, it was clear that the sender’s of this beautiful gift, felt the need to thank me. But I surely did not feel they owed me one, in the least. I didn’t expect that they could even be thinking of me, at this incredibly difficult time in their lives. So it was shocking, in that way, too.

But what was difficult for me, was that I didn’t feel I deserved it. I, didn’t do anything worthy, of this. Of anything. I had only done, what I knew God was calling me to do. Using the gifts He gave me, and that He expects me to use as tools, and a means to do His work.

To be able to do so…..that IS the gift, of the gift.

To be called by God.

After I had done all I knew to do to serve these people, I felt so empty inside. For I wanted SO badly to be able to do more. To give them what they truly, truly wanted. To give them what their hearts ached for, so badly. It didn’t feel like enough, and I felt lost.

I thought of the Little Drummer Boy. I feel like it seems he felt, in giving all he had to give, to the new born King. I was giving all I had, as little as it was. I hoped it was ‘something’. I prayed, in time, it would help, in any small way, to heal their broken hearts, with the grace of God.

That’s the thing. I felt helpless in not being able to do more. I was depending on Him. Our Almighty and powerful Father, who can do ALL things. It was my only consolation, because I personally couldn’t do enough.

But it was ‘something’ to these people, it seemed. I still felt unworthy of any thanks, because I wanted to give them more, and with every passing day, I thought of them, and prayed for them. Still feeling helpless. Still counting on God, to give them all they needed.

I was counting on answered prayers, with high expectations. For THEM.

I ask you to pray for them too, for whatever their needs and desires are, if it is God’s will.

I just wasn’t expecting anything, for ME. Not a thing.

But I am so very touched, by their expression of gratitude.

Thank You, Lord. Thank You, for the gifts. For working, through me. Amidst all of the swirling, worldly thoughts and deeds of my life and self, thank You for allowing my heart to hear You call. Thank You, for every opportunity to serve You, by serving others. Thank You, for using these gifts as an instrument in Your works. Thank You for considering our prayers, and for healing our hearts.

Thank You.

I have to admit….the basket itself, even EMPTY, puts a big smile on my face.

It’s a NICE basket. Isn’t it?

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Psalm 46:10 – Scripture Image

July 19, 2009 By Laura 2 Comments

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

~Psalm 46:10

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We Welcome This Lenten Season!

February 23, 2009 By Laura 3 Comments

With the Lenten Season just 2 days away, beginning with Ash Wednesday, for once our family is ready. Usually, it seems to sneak right up on us, (despite the many reminders along the way), and we are scrambling to figure out what we will do for Lent. Of course, we all know, that with making such decisions so spontaneously and haphazardly, we didn’t truly contemplate in our heart how we would go about living the Lenten Season consciously, or how we can best grow closer to Christ, as we prepare our selves and our hearts for Easter. We did get into the swing of it, in the first few days of ‘too late’, managing to follow our Catholic obligations. But they were done almost just as that > obligations.

But this year, we weren’t letting it happen again. What’s more, I have heard Lent calling me for some time now. And by this time, we are all well prepared; armed with Lenten plans, and joyful hearts of anticipation.

I suppose Easter is time in which most ‘anticipate with joyful hearts’. And we certainly do as well! After all, Easter is THE most sacred and celebrated day of the Catholic faith. Even more so than Christmas. For in God’s Only Son, rising to life, rose with Him salvation that is ours, if we choose to embrace it.

But Lent is a time we are anticipating with joyful hearts as well, because it is a time we can best show our love for Christ. It is a time we are called to focus more on Him, sacrifice for Him, spend time with Him and grow closer to Him. Through reflection. Through prayer. Through Penance. As an individual, and as a family, we ultimately grow in strength and commitment to our relationship with Christ. How can these gifts be anything less than joyful? They are indeed gifts we are called to embrace. As Catholics, we are unquestionably called to embrace them in these 40 blessed days, until the celebration of Easter. And for the good of ourselves!

I won’t get into my (longer than usual) personal list of Lenten commitments, of which I have pondered with an attentive heart. But I will share with you a couple of other agendas on our Lenten list. As a family, we have decided to add a Mass to our week. And early morning Mass…..which, for anyone who knows us well, is a sacrifice in itself. We are not at all a morning family. We enjoy waking up when we do, and having our leisure morning—sipping coffee, (< definitely me), nibbling toast made of home made bread, starting our fire – to keep us warm as we wake and wash, and get ready to tackle our schooling and work agendas for the day. No…..dragging ourselves out of bed, after a crude alarm sound, and rushing to get ready to leave anywhere, is just not our cup of tea. Even a little. But, we figured…..Lenten sacrifices are not meant to be necessarily enjoyable. They are meant to be….a challenge. Difficult for us. A personal hardship, of sorts. And hey…..if we can make it to an 8:00 a.m. basketball game (we did TWICE this season!), we can surely make it to Mass!!

Attending and experiencing the Mass itself, ….not at all a sacrifice. But a BLESSED GIFT!

A couple of weeks ago one evening, my oldest daughter, {A}, and I, had come across a Mother/Daughter Quiz, in my FAVORITE magazine, Faith and Family. To begin with, the questions posed were for me, as the mother, to answer for my daughter. It was to see how well I knew her. One of the questions was : “What is her favorite day of the week?”. I knew the answer to that immediately: Sunday. She loves the Mass. But more than that, she loves to SERVE the Mass. As an altar server. She has expressed countless times, how much closer she feels to Jesus, being up on the altar, and serving Him. It isn’t just something she SAYS. It’s something EVERYONE can SEE. I can’t tell you how many times we have been approached by people after Mass, to be told how they are amazed at how reverent she is up there. Truly absorbed in every moment. Relishing in it, even. She is scheduled for certain Masses, (and always the most important ones), but gleefully and (very eagerly…trust me…) volunteers to fill in for anyone who does not show up at the Masses we attend. She jumps out of our van to go check and get ready, before our van is even turned off. So yes……clearly the answer was Sunday.

Ding Ding Ding!!! Another right answer for Mama. I scored very well, in the end, I might add. I know my kiddo.

At the end of the quiz, the daughter is to question the Mama. My answer was Sunday too – but for a different reason:

I VERY MUCH love receiving the Body and Blood of Christ. I look forward to until I find myself ‘at His table’ once again, and I receive with a joyful and hungry heart. It lifts me in such an indescribable way. The moment I consume the Eucharist, and Jesus once again becomes part of me, I feel whole. Alive more so than before. I am certain I feel the Holy Spirit flowing through my blood, and renewing every part of me. I feel an overwhelming urge to weep, out of the relief! It truly gives me strength to ponder or resolve the difficult situations/relationships in my life. (Although sometimes, it takes 2 to tango. lol). More than any other time, I can deal with them with at least some shred of grace. A Christian perspective that in all honestly, I know I am called exercise always. I am weak, and a sinner. I’m a constant work in progress. With the Good Lord’s help, I like to think.

My beautiful, freckle-faced, spunky little God-daughter, will be welcomed to Jesus’ table for the first time this spring. She is making her First Communion this May. I am SO excited for her, I can’t tell you. I will travel to be there, to witness her on this special, special day in her life. Oh, I know children don’t always fully understand the vast reality of what a gift this is, for them to be able to participate fully at the table of the Lord, from that day forward. I know they are a child, and have not yet experienced or comprehended all that this means for them. But it is, prayerfully, a very crucial milestone, in the spiritual journey we are called to follow. I have faith, and pray regularly, that she will grow closer to God, with each precious day of her life. And that one day, she will feel what I do, when receiving, and becoming one with Jesus. Perhaps she will feel something quite special inside. A magic she cannot explain. Some children do!! But one day, God-willing, she will be old enough, and have an open heart enough to know, just what that feeling inside is. It is not a figment of the imagination, or sugar rush. But the love of Christ and the movement of the Holy Spirit, renewing our very souls. It will be a beautiful day, no matter what the weather. (But let’s pray for sun! Remember?….He hears these little, petty prayers. He’ll decide if our petition is worthy of granting.)

Our own three little one’s will receive their Sacraments of Penance and First Holy Communion, next spring. We are preparing them, with SUCH excitement and anticipation. On both our parts, and theirs! They have waited for as long as they could talk….always asking “When can we go up too?” “How old will I be when I can receive Communion too?”. At each Mass, at Communion time, they sit back, and pull up their legs to ‘Sit like little Indians, so that all of the people in our pew can get in and out. And they seem to watch us longingly, as I glance back occasionally to check on them. What a day that will be, when we will not have little Indians in the pew any longer. My-oh-my!!

I also look forward, in this Lenten season, to spending more time with Jesus, at the Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. My only quiet time with Him, is often spent half asleep. Because my children must be asleep, to have true quiet! So I intend to find the time to sneak away, and have that time with Him.

Our kids will also be taking part in this program called Lenten Adventures. In fact, they start later today! It is a free online program for kids that consists of videos, stories, prayers, activities – all as part of lessons on their faith during the Lent/Easter season. It’s free! All you need to do is sign up, and you get 3 e-mails a week, with links to everything you need. We can’t vouch for it yet, as we have never done it before, but it looks pretty good! If you are interested in checking it out for your own kids, just click on the link above. I hope it is fun and deeply educational, and helps them truly participate in their own age-appropriate way this season. I guess we’ll see!

May we ALL grow this Lenten season….as individuals and children of God…as families who hope to hold Christ as the center and core of their homes and families. May the light and love we called to, especially during this season, be a place we long to stay in each and every day, long after our 40 days are done.

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“Be still, and know that I am God.”

~Psalm 46:10

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