Into the Light; The Series Archives

Just Maybe, God Pushed Me Down the Stairs. | Health

May 1, 2013 By Laura 17 Comments

I know.

The title….it sounds a little dramatic. But it’s pretty much the conclusion I have come to, after recent events. You see, I can be pretty darn stubborn. God knows this about me. I think maybe He tried many times, to get my attention. But I, being as stubborn as I can be, unwisely dismissed His obvious and gentler signs. So, I think just maybe, He pushed me down the stairs. Literally. I have 2 things to say to that:

“OWWW!!”
“OK, I’m listening now.”**Important to note: This is a true story about my health, and the wake up call that changed everything. The happenings of these events actually took place quite some time ago now. I typed this post out as a therapy of sorts, and because I felt it was a story that needed to be told, to other women. In particular, other mothers. But I didn’t have the courage to post it at the time, until now, well over a year to year 1/2 after the events. It’s just a little more personal in nature than my typical posts, and involves speaking of my mother as well – whom I did and do love so very much. But as my mother, her story is very much interwoven into mine, and an integral part of the story as a whole. It’s only her permission I would seek, to speak of her. So I’ll presume I have some blessing from Heaven, for the bigger purpose of possibly having some positive impact on others. Perhaps even saving lives. Her story was never a secret, to the many (many!), who loved her, anyway.
**Also note: Though I cannot imagine anyone would disagree with me, the details and mentions of my mother are stated as strictly my own personal viewpoints, opinions, and experiences. I am not speaking on behalf of anyone else, but myself.
In conclusion of this prelude, I would like to state that I have made the many little and good changes in my life, that I needed to make, and all for the better. – Laura(January 2012)

I’d venture to guess, I’m like many other mothers.

Not all, but I am quite sure there are some mothers out there who may read this, and feel they can relate. I’m the one who is always thinking of the health and well-being, of my family. That includes nagging my husband. (I say nagging, because I cannot tell him what to do, and he knows he doesn’t have to listen to me. Who told him that?). He happens to be quite healthy. (Perhaps, thanks in part, to me ; ). He has never had surgery of any kind. Never been hospitalized. He did have to go to the ER once though, which brings to mind a hilarious fishing story, I must tell you sometime. But he just does not think in terms of protecting his health. He gets exercise, by accident, by working hard. (And we’re thankful to him for that.). He has a wicked sweet tooth, and if left to his own accord, just eats and drinks whatever sounds good to him. Wearing a mask when paint air-brushing, or working in very dusty construction environments, is a repetitive battle between us.

But what I can do, and I DO, is encourage and enforce any and all healthy habits in my children, that I possibly can. On a daily basis. And, I’m good at it. I am the one, that makes sure they are eating a balanced diet, when looking over the day as a whole, and within each meal. I monitor their sugar intake (which minimal, on treat/surprise basis, and they thank me for it). They have developed such healthy eating habits choice: They rejoice out loud, over vegetables at dinner many kids despise, drink tons of water each day, etc. I see so many healthy habits, in terms of consumption, took root with them long ago. I see to it that they get their regular physical exams, eye exams, regular teeth cleanings, orthodontics, keep them clean, teach them how to shower and properly brush their teeth, make sure they get enough sleep, etc. They get plenty of daily exercise and fresh air, and play basketball, volleyball, flag football, and ice skating.

Of course, health comes in many forms. Body, Mind and Spirit. So I also foster their education, give them the tools to nurture their inner passions and dreams, encourage them to serve others or get involved in a ministry that speaks to them, and most importantly, guide them on their path in their faith, to becoming God-loving people, who feel called to serve others with compassion, are kind, and have a general strong and good character. What drives me to oversee and regulate these things, is the same thing that drives any good mothers: I want my children to be, now and forever, healthy, and the fulfilled beings God calls them to be. That takes forming good habits for life, and the earlier they start, the more natural such a lifestyle will be for them. I love them with all I am, and so of course, I want the best for them. And anyway, this is the JOB God assigned me to, in blessing me with them. Right? It may sound like a tall order, but it all comes quite naturally for me. My LOVE for them, is my incentive.

It also comes just as naturally for me, to put myself, last.

I say these 2 words to myself, all too often: “I’M FINE.” And more times than not, if all is well with my kids and husband, all is good in the world. I’m taking care of business pretty well. In my own mind, I have taken what I thought was acceptable care of myself. For instance, I don’t eat a lot of junk either. The kids do eat full blown breakfast and lunches. I mean, I chuckle at their courses. It must be the Italian in their blood, as every meal seems to be a real event. Me? Well, I eat when I feel like I need to. Usually because something is not feeling quite right. And then I think, “OH, maybe I should eat.” So I stuff a quick carb in my mouth, or eat an apple. As long as it’s fast, because by golly, I have important things to do today! Everyone tells me, that since I homeschool, and have triplets and/or 4 kids, that they are sure they (the kids schedules) keep me running around, and they just don’t know how I do it. So I just go with that, and check off exercise. ; ) I have had medical appointments I should make, but REALLY……DO YOU KNOW how many appointments and commitments I am running my kids to on a weekly basis? I really don’t need any more appointments on my calendar, thank you very much! And for what? I’M FINE. Oh, I may go to one I can’t get out of now and then. But generally, if I can get out of doctor appointments for myself, I do. Check-ups? Ppffftt! I’M FINE!

I should know better, really.

My own mother’s health, was never good. I loved her very much. She was a woman of deep and obvious faith in God. She lived it in most every way. She was a strong woman, except for addressing and correcting the treatment of herself. Her addictions, as I know they were, had a lifetime hold on her, that in my eyes, she never tried hard enough to beat. Her health and bad habits, were a constant source of tension and argument, between us. I was a difficult kid to raise. As a teenager, especially, I really gave her a run for her money, and pushed her limits. But the older I got, and especially after becoming a mother myself, I really came around to understanding where all of her rules and fretting came from: Love for me. She and I really came full circle, and became very close, in the many years before her passing. Except for the health issue. She was a heavy smoker, did not have healthy eating habits, did not get good exercise, and generally would not get it together. Heart disease and cancer ran in her family, and most every one of her siblings had already died from these things. She was the baby, and was digging her own grave. It was killing me to see her do it. I knew we would lose her sooner than any of us wanted, if she didn’t make efforts to get healthy. We argued about it many times, and I even went so far as to bravely throw her great faith in God, in her face. Using God’s Word, to make her listen. Because she sure was not listening to me. But it didn’t work.

Her health issues put our whole family through hell many times. After that quadruple bypass heart surgery, she went on to have an aneurysm under her heart that required another emergency the doctor did not expect her to live through. But she did. Then, they couldn’t get her off life support with confidence she would take over breathing on her own. But she did. However, she spent 5 months in a rehab facility (where she resumed smoking, as it turns out), finally got home and recovered once again. But, she had a stroke a year later, and lost her speech, some motor skills, and ended up in a wheelchair. My father took care of her through it all, and living 2.5 hours away, we went out to help as much as we could too. Believe it or not, she really bounced back from all of that as well! She was a ‘bull’, as my father often said. She was tough stuff, but she had said many times she really looked forward to going to Heaven and meeting Jesus, and the Blessed Mother (she loved the Rosary), more than she had the will to fight to live on earth. But she did. I had prepared myself mentally so many times, for my mother’s imminent death. She gave us all multiple opportunities. But it was 3 years following her stroke, when she seemed to have more brightness in her eyes, and spunk than ever, she died of a sudden heart attack at home, alone. It sounds odd to say, but it really was unexpected, at that time. We were shocked, and devastated. All of my emotional and mental preparation, was for nothing. For the first time, I truly felt what real grief was. And I was mad at her too. My mother was a beautiful person, who really lacked some discipline with her health.

But I, am not my mother.

Right? In now knowing what my mother’s lifestyle was like, you may be able to imagine why I have presumed myself to be some better picture of health. I am not a smoker. Oh, I was, in my late teens and early 20’s, but I quit that long ago. Over 20 years ago. And I cannot even begin to express how much I despise cigarette smoke, anywhere around. I will go to great lengths, not to expose my children to it, in the least amount. Even outdoors. No one is aloud to smoke anywhere near us. I do not get the foolishness, of smoking. I find is a repulsive habit. My weight is considered perfectly acceptable, for my height. Quite in the healthy range, I have heard, at my rare doctor appointments. I’m a busy mom, so I get enough exercise. I “eat to live, not live to eat”. (How’s that for justification? ; ) I’m running around all of the time. I’M FINE!

This is where the story gets…..eye opening. Possibly comical.

Many weeks back now, I had been having a few really rough weeks. To put it simply, I was T I R E D, and I was feeling quite pathetic. Throughout my days, I was doing only what I had to do, for my family and home. I was sending my kids, to get me things in the next room, because the idea of getting up to get it myself, was an overwhelming thought, to me. I got tired from just standing at the sink, and washing dishes. I sat on the couch all I could, and flat out lied down and snuck in a nap, if I could. I’d catch a glimpse of me in the mirror, and be shocked at my appearance. I mean…I looked like hell. There was no 2 ways about it. I looked like I hadn’t slept, in weeks. I was taking a shower and going to bed, soon after dinner. Are you getting the picture? All the while, I was really starting to feel very down about myself, and my lack of any energy. I wondered, “When, did I become this pathetic? I am the picture of lazy. But I’m just so tired. Tomorrow, I’ll do more.” I was really just having one dark day, after another, for weeks.

Then the day came along, when my husband showed me the mail. There was a letter from our life insurance company. Apparently, they had put my policy on standby, because I had not followed up with a doctor, following my ER visit over the previous summer. (2010) It said something about severe anemia. Oh yeah…..Well to make along story short, that summer night some months prior, I had woken up during the night with chest pain, and after not being able to take a good breathe, tingles my arm which then went numb, and breaking out in a cold sweat, I was sure I was suffering a heart attack. Mind you, that’s how my mother died, so I was freakin’. I went to the hospital via ambulance at 4 a.m., and asking them to pu-leaz not use any sirens, and wake up and scare my children. So anyway, doctor staff at the hospital had a few vague guesses as to what happened, but what they were most concerned about was unrelated, but something they had discovered with the blood labs they ran. They told me I was eanemic, and they were extremely concerned about that. The doctor went on and on at my bedside, but what I could hear most, was my own happy voice in my head, “So, I wasn’t having a heart attack like my mother? For real? I’m good? Sure, o.k., take this iron every day….O.K. Gotcha! I’m so out of here!” I was so grateful to go home to my family. A call later from my own physician, informed me I probably suffered a bout of Pleurisy. I did start taking the iron they suggested, but I found it caused other problems. 🙄 So I quit. No time for that.

But here were those words in front of me again, on this insurance letter:

Severe Anemia. It sounded familiar…..more familiar than just from the ER. Hmmm. Maybe THAT was why I was so tired lately? But in the big picture at that moment, with that letter in my hand, I was concerned about the life insurance policy thing. I just needed to know that was active. So darn it all……I was going to have to make an appointment to go to the doctors, I guess. I did, that day. I went to bed early again, that night.

I slept good and hard, until I woke up because frankly, I had to go potty. Badly. Like….bladder about to burst. Much to my disappointment, there was no ignoring it and going back to sleep. So I dragged myself up, went, and got back to bed as soon quick as I could. Which, frankly, was not very quick. Lying in bed again, I realized I was winded. “Really?” I thought. “From going potty?” Just then there was a great big crash upstairs. I mean…..the house shook. I thought our youngest daughter must have fallen out of her bed in her room above us, but she never cried or called us. I could not even believe it, but Michael did not even jump, or miss a beat with his snoring beside me, when the crash happened. I was annoyed with that. I grew increasingly irked, because now, I was continuing to hear….something upstairs. Scampering. I thought then, maybe Olivia knocked something off her bed, and now she was searching under her bed in the dark, trying to find it? But it went on, and on, and on. I wanted to wake Michael up, to go check out what was happening up there. Because I did not want to drag myself out of bed, and climb those stairs? But then that made me feel pathetic again. I said to myself, in my head, “Really. You are going to wake up Michael, who is clearly quite deeply asleep, because you are too lazy to get up and go check yourself.” That chat with me, made me feel bad enough to throw the covers back once again, and go check myself.

I turned on the stairwell light, and began the climb of the stairs. There seemed to be more steps, than the last time I went upstairs. But finally, I was standing in Olivia’s doorway, looking at her sound asleep on her bed. I could hardly believe my eyes. But, as I stood there and listened…..there was that noise again! But she was asleep. I wanted to check my oldest daughter’s room behind me, but all I could really think about was, “I can’t stand here. I want to sit down. Michael needs to do this.” So I started back down the stairs. I remember thinking, “It’s a long way to my bed from here….”, and I felt like I was dreaming for a second. Next thing I know, I was in a whole lot of pain, and in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. I was trying to stand….as the whole family was jumping out of bed and awake now, wide-eyed and shook up, wondering what just happened. I had fallen all the way down the stairs, and desperately did not want my kids to see me like that and scare them, but I could not find which way was UP.

I eventually got to my bed and got my feet elevated. Michael got the kids settled and back to bed, and when I finally felt ‘right’ again, I knew something very telling just happened. I had not just slipped or fallen down the stairs. I literally go so weak, that I literally collapsed and passed out. I. Hurt. Everywhere. But I began to figure out what happened. Not only that night, but had been happening for weeks. I had to guess that I was running lower, and lower, on iron. And that night, I just about bottomed out! Suddenly, I was sure it was that anemia problem. Good thing I had an appointment in a week or so. But the next day, I started taking that iron I was supposed to. Honestly, after 1 day, I felt like a new woman! That confirmed to me, it was the iron deficiency issue I had been dealing with the past few weeks. NOT Lazy Syndrome, as I feared.

I realized over the next few days though, that the incident really shook my kids up. I was limping around, everywhere we went. Still tired, but less so. But I was just bruised and battered all over, from the stairs fall. And there was a familiarity to my state, that made me remember some other past situations I apparently had chosen to forget. Like the bad (bad) shower fall I had, just a few years ago, when I closed my eyes for a second, and lost all balance. I was extremely tired in those weeks too. It was around that time that I had gone to a pressured-into physical exam, needed or we would lose our doctor in that practice, or something. This visit, I was not seeing my own doctor, but his own physician assistant. I hadn’t met her before, but when she came in, she said almost immediately, with quite a puzzled tone, “You know, I don’t really know you. But are you tired? Because you look really, really tired to me.” I responded that I was no more tired than I was usual for me. I was kind of used to ‘pushing through’. She said that wasn’t normal. Even for moms, and ordered a full blood panel of work. There was some iron/B12 issues, and that was why I was so tired. (Uhh…..anemic. Yes. Guess that was the word they used that time too.) As I recall, I even had to go for regular B12 shots for awhile, until we found the little pills worked well enough. When I took them.

The fall down the stairs not only scared me, it scared my kids. The doctor appointment and subsequent blood work I had done, showed I was ‘Severely Anemic’. That, after lots of daily iron for a week. So I knew….it was SO much worse, a week ago when I collapsed on the stairs. I knew, and it haunted me…..I could have hit my head, and died. And really, I guess I don’t eat well. Not enough, and not at the right times. It’s not balanced. Not to mention I probably should be exercising, you know, on purpose. And there was a few other meds I’ve been supposed to be taking. But you know, I’ve never liked the idea, of having to taking medication. So it was another thing I was probably not doing well. The revelations were really just snowballing. Oh yes, I should know I should be taking better care of myself. But really, it was the fall down the stairs, that really woke me up. Made me realize, I should be doing all I can, to be here, well and healthy, for my children. I really want to be. I do not want to put them through, all I went through, as a result of my own mother’s neglect of her health. I don’t want them to suffer the grief of losing me, that I did with her. Especially given that they are much younger. They need me. ME.

I Get It Now.

I feel guilty, for having ignored the signs all along the way. I mean, what a fool. I can hardly blame God, if it was Him, giving me a swift kick of His sandal in the backside, for a little wake-up-tumble. If it was Him, and I think it was, I thank Him, really. I am eating more frequently now, and really making sure it’s balanced food groups. I am exercising, on purpose, regularly, and getting my heart rate up, at least a few times a week. I have had several doctors appointments now, and yes…..it’s as much as a hassle as I knew it would be, and it is a great big pain, fitting such extra appointments on my already busy-enough calendar. I am working on taking all of the medications (supplements of sorts) I was supposed to be taking. There is one that is taking a bigger commitment to stay on, that I am also coming to terms with, because I know I need it. (There’s a good few, for more than I wanted to get into this time. Mostly just the way I am made up. Like the low iron, no matter how much iron rich food I eat. And a B12 deficiency to boot. I simply need to supplement these things, forever. Then there are genetic numbers, as well. But this is long enough, don’t you think? I can say I have always been dismissive of having to take medication. Until I realized I had to, for various things.) I have a weekly pill box now, with everything I need to take daily. And I really do. Yes, it’s kind of a bother. But my children, my family, they are worth it. For gosh sakes, who would keep everyone else healthy around here, if I was gone? While I have never had really bad health habits, I could be a better example, and have really good ones. I should be a SHINING EXAMPLE. After all, I know from experience, that a mother’s lifestyle, can effect her children’s lives and hearts, in so many ways. I’m seriously working on it all now. BALANCE. I need to be healthy and HERE, to take care of everyone else too. AND YOU DO TOO!!

I could really ride the excuse or 2, that my brain so quickly serves up, to start slipping back into my old ways. But when I do, I remind myself of the same kind of words I used at my mother, that I still think was such a valid argument, and one than cannot be denied:

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” (Corinthians 6: 19-20)

Thank you so much, for reading. It’s difficult enough for me to let down my walls, with the people in my life.
Never mind spill my heart, to the whole world. But it is my hope you might take any little bit of encouragement, from my story.
Blessings to you. – Laura

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“I Am Third” | A Wood Pallet Sign

December 5, 2012 By Laura 9 Comments

It’s always a great day, when I finally get something OUT of my head, and am able to find the time to bring it to life, and have it real and in front of me. It makes me happy because, there’s a whole lot in my head, that never (ever) gets out! I wish I could do all of the projects that I actually think of, but I have other joyful obligations too, than just being all artsy 24/7. So only a small percentage of my notions ever actually come to be.
I’m really glad this one did though, because it’s a meaningful one in our home.

The vision was a wood pallet sign. And we usually have no shortage of those, as this is what our driveway often looks like . . . . . .

. . . . and there’s more where those came from. Michael is able to get them from work by the load anytime. Many of them he chops up and we burn in our wood stove. Free wood is always good! But they are great for many other things too. And a pallet was perfect for my idea for the sign I wanted to make.

The theme of the sign is a phrase we are fond of in our family, and try to live by, and it is this:

I am third.
You may well guess all on your own.
Like all families with many kids, one of my tasks as a parent is to teach my children to always put God first, be compassionate of others, and make great efforts to be selfless whenever possible. Having triplets, you can imagine we’ve had many teachable moments and conversations about this kind of thing from toddler-hood on up, while encouraging them to share, and not grow with any kind of mindset that our own wants and needs should always or ever be first. That’s just not how we roll, as Christians. Of course, this philosophy of serving, goes far beyond the constraints of our family, and the walls of our home. It applies to our world and every day we live in it, and with all whom we interact with across the board, from absolute strangers, to acquaintances, to loved ones a part of our personal lives, and everyone in between whom we happen upon daily . I want that to stick with my kids, as they grow older in their faith, and take on this world, with all of their plans and dreams before them. It can only help, for each one of us to be reminded often.

And so with another an extra piece of plywood, some old extra nails we had on hand, and some paint and a brush, the pallet sign I saw in my head for so long, was created:

Because of the list form of my idea, I saw the pallet as the perfect material for the sign.
It was cut down to a size of about 20″ x 27″.

I wanted it kept as simple as possible. Rustic, raw, and straightforward. Sure, it may not always be easy to live the message.
But God always forgives us, and we always have the opportunity to keep on trying.
It is a simple concept to remember, in terms of the priorities we want to strive to serve in our life:
God
Others
Self

For some reason, I always saw it in this darker red. When it came time to paint, I stopped and considered other colors.
But I really needed to create it just as I had envisioned it for so long. Or else I could go crazy.

Michael hung it up the very same day. Right there where we all see it, again and again, every day. He loves it as much as I do.
I suppose others may come into our home, start to read it, and be a little perplexed. But one of the most cherished things about having a home to me, is making it a place that is meaningful to our family. It’s the little things, that are personal and of the heart, that make it feel like home. And this sign….. and all it says….it means something to us. It’s an awareness that we want to be reminded of, again and again. Not just the kids. But all of us. I know I can use such a gentle reminder, as often as anyone else.

There is lots more space on this particular wall in our open living space, up there with the clock. The wall is much bigger than it even appears in this photo, with the cathedral ceiling. We realize the sign is so flush left, and leaves the wall as a whole quite unbalanced. But we’re ok with that for now. Soon enough, the wall all around the clock will be filled with other things that mean something to us. Maybe more signs. Who knows. But we have no desire to rush these things, just to fill up and balance the wall. It’s what is hanging there, that matters to us.
All of the space? Well, that’s what I call inspiration. Like a blank sheet of lined paper, or a canvas. The possibilities are endless, and exciting.

The kids have really embraced the lesson, most days. But when they are together and it’s needed, because one, or some, or all are reverting back to looking out for themselves over little things, I like to remind them:
“If everyone put everyone else second, you’ll always actually be second, too! Not third. Right? So just be a good example.” ; )
I’m a tricky Mama. ; )

I wonder what I’ll be able to get out of my head, next.

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On Faith, Gardening, and Digging Deep.

May 2, 2012 By Laura 9 Comments

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Our family really loves Sundays. It’s just a feel-good-family day, all the way around.

This past Sunday after Mass, we all came home, and changed into our old clothes, so that we could get working in our garden beds. Oh, the butterflies I get this time of year! It’s almost time for planting, so we needed to get all of the winter rye that we had growing in the beds, chopped down, and turned into the soil. There is much to do, to create soil rich enough to produce well for us.

cultivating-faith-gardening Whenever I’m working in the gardens, especially in the planting season, my thoughts most always turn to my faith in God. In my mind, there are many parallels, between the process of gardening, and one’s day to day faith.

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The Dirt on Gardening

With gardening, we put so much into all we hope for. We cultivate the soil, nourish it, and plant our tiny seeds or little starters, where they will receive the proper amount of light. We water them daily, if nature does not send us sufficient rain. We wait and keep watch daily, with great anticipation. Our eyes seek for a sprout. Some sign of growth. For the fruits of our labor, to reveal itself. Although we may enjoy all we put into our gardens along the way, the reward is the great surplus each plant provides for us, whether it be beauty or food, from the little seed we began with.

Cultivating Our Hearts

Isn’t that much like how our faith begins? At some point in our lives, a seed of faith in God, was planted within many of us. Whether we were aware of that exact moment happening, or not. For many of us, that may have been as babies, and nourished throughout our upbringing, from our parents. For others, it may have come much later in life. Perhaps it began with circumstances in life, or one’s own seeking for something they felt was missing. But for all of us, our spirituality can only grow and bloom, when we have given our time to cultivate that most important relationship in our lives. When we have turned to Him, in times of thanksgiving and praise, and in times of need and despair, as well. When we have spent time daily, in communion with our Savior, Jesus Christ – in thought, in prayer, in praise, in a way that keeps our heart open to Him.

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To Know God, is to Better Revel in Life

Our faith in God, and our relationship with Christ, we believe is what enables us to experience a more elevated state of joy in our days here on earth. Our eyes are open to the abundant blessings that rains down on us, and all around us. We know that all good things come to us, by the grace of His loving hand. Our hearts rejoice, for the love He shows us. Likewise, we have learned, we are wise to give thanksgiving, even for the most difficult trials and tribulations in our lives. Even they have great purpose, and bring forth blessings of their own. It is easy to question God, isn’t it? We want to know why, for each one of our sufferings. But we know deep down inside, God’s love for us is pure, and beyond measure. He is there to comfort us, He does only want what is best for us, and only He knows the big picture of ours lives.

God is good. God is always good!

Even on the Darkest of Days

Oh, we know friends, the devastation life can bring. Unexpected tragedies, life-threatening or terminal illnesses, lost lives of people we love, unemployment and financial hardships, betrayals and broken hearts….the list is endless. We know….it is touching the lives of people we know and love, all around us, too. Our family too, is not untouched by the hardships and disappointments of our own, that can roll in like the tide, leaving a mess on our seashore of life, that was so clean and beautiful yesterday. The memory of what was, leaves us longing, and we wonder if we appreciated it enough, while we had it. We wonder when the tide will ever come in again, to sweep the mess away.

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Inclement Elements

Despite the time and attention we have invested in our gardens, or our daily spirituality, there is always the threat of damaging elements, that can come along on any given day, to deal with for a time. In both the daily lives we live, as well as the weather, there are storms. They must be faced with courage. We must persevere. We must stand on the greatest asset we have, which is our faith, in the most difficult of times, and believe that God will help bring us through our trials, to the other side of the storm.

His love for us is filled with many promises, that are grace….

Sticky Note This

It is easy to forget, for we get wrapped up in this physical life. But we would be wise to remember, and take comfort in knowing, that ultimately, we are not meant for this world. The greatest gifts of all, a life free of any and suffering, are promised to us eternally, beyond our earthly days.

It is the mustard seed of faith, from within our hearts, that we know as truth, that always offers the light of hope.

“The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it” – John 1:5

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Pass It On, to the Littles

By our side, our children learn about the complexities of life. From the day they are born, they experience all of the happiness, wonders, and beautiful gifts of life, as well as the realization that the world is not a perfect place, and that bad and sad things can happen, even to good people. And the value of our faith, through it all!

Parenting is our beautiful opportunity, to build up in them character to live a life pleasing to God! Thankfully, as homeschoolers, we have that ability to navigate when and how our children awake to the challenges of life, and realities of this world. I can tell you that there are many raw, honest, and deep discussions that take place, with our children. It’s a beautiful time of connection, between us all. But as a parent, to see the revelations unfold within them, is such a heart-wrenching honor. We cannot shield them from all of the hurts and truths that life can bring. Doesn’t a piece of every parent’s heart, want to? But no, it would be a great dis-service to them, to keep them ignorant to the harsh realities of life, for long.

What we can do, is arm them well, with the tools of our never-failing faith, and a strong faith in our God, who never leaves us.

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Expect a Mixed Forecast, But Take Heart

Life can bring the greatest moments of laughter and happiness. We cannot count the ways in which we have been blessed! Our days can be filled with such sunshine, contentment and peace. But when the dark storms of life circumstances descend upon us, our faith can feel diminished, to the size of a mustard seed. It can be very difficult to find solace in our faith, so small and buried.

But those are the times we need our faith, more than ever! If we have allowed ourselves to be filled with bitterness and anger, it can be difficult to bring ourselves to reach. To be humble enough, to express such a need, in the face of feeling abandoned. We must find the seed though, that we alone have neglected, shriveling again in the questioning of God’s love for us. Maybe we turn away from God in anger, confused, but He never leaves us alone. We must get back to the seed of our faith, and begin again. Because it holds all of the promises, and all of the strength we need to carry us through. So that peace and contentment can be ours again. In time, if we turn our face upwards to Him again, and open our hearts, we will see He was always at work within us, through the storm. God heals hearts. Let Him!

“You will grieve, but your grief will turn into joy.” John 16:20

Light Into Darkness, and Back Again

Maybe that is part of His plan all along…..to bring us to the point where we realize, we actually need Him. To make us seek His grace. He wants us to know the comfort of His love. He wants to help us see His face…..the Light, in the darkness. To truly know Him and need Him, so that we always walk beside Him, and realize that He only wants to lead us to something greater. Don’t we always appreciate the light shining on all that is beautiful, the most after we have experienced such darkness?

Are you experiencing darkness, in this period of your life? Are you resistant, or wrestling, to sense the great faith you had on better days?

Your hope and solace, is in the mustard seed, friend. Sometimes, when we have neglected all we have built up in faith, we must begin again. In doing so, God promises our gardens can not only flourish again, but bring forth more fruit than we ever dreamed for ourselves. His love for us, is that great. That is what He wants for us, and what we truly want, for ourselves.

So we must. dig. deeper.

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Into the Light | A Personal Reflection

February 5, 2012 By Laura 10 Comments

When we need to clear our mind, and break the unhealthy circle of thoughts we are entertaining, we often find that going outdoors is almost like magic. Have you ever noticed that? The fresh air, the warmth of the sun, the sight of a bird soaring overhead, or the sounds of children laughing and playing nearby; all of the life around us, tend to give us a new sense of life inside of ourselves. We may feel rejuvenated, more positive, hopeful, and stronger. For awhile, anyway.

There are many tools in life, that are like power tools, for me. Although they do not have electrical cords, or build physical objects, they build a sense of joy for me. For awhile. Power tools, such as listening and singing along to awesome music, reading well written books, having a loaded paintbrush in hand, sinking into great fits of laughter with my children, accepting a long hug from my husband, and being truly present at church on a Sunday morning. These power tools, they have the ability to change my mood from blue to happy. My tone from sharp, to loving. My expectations from discouraged, to hopeful. Power tools. We all need a tool box to keep them in, and remember to open it and retrieve them for use often, to find more moments of enjoyment in our day to day life. I try to just leave mine lying around out in the open, because when I need them, I need them fast! And because seeing them remind me, I have moments of indulgence, to look forward to.

We’re all looking for a quick-fix, anytime we can get one. Aren’t we? We live in a world, that serves up many instant distractions and irrelevant entertainment, to avoid the things we should most be looking at, thinking about, doing, using. What about the big picture? The truth of our lives? When disappointments come our way, or tragedy strikes so unexpectedly. When the darkest shadows of our lives take such a choke-hold of us, that we aren’t even able to bring ourselves to even care about our tool box – what then? Where is the most potent source, of all of our greatest needs? Comfort, when we feel such despair and loss. Hope, when we see or feel none, and carry such a sense of overwhelming. Joy, when the sadness, anger, or self-pity are overflowing. Love, when we feel alone, with no one to understand, or care, enough. Understanding, when we truly just cannot….understand, the hand of cards we got dealt with.

I know where. GOD. He is the source of all we really need. Jesus’ Word, is our map, a light for our path, and our complete answer book. His Word, His love and ever-presence…the Truth,….it’s the Daddy-Mack tool box, of all tool boxes, filled with more than just quick daily mood fixes. But a whole wardrobe to redress our souls, and arm us with all we ever need, as we face the challenges of our earthly daily lives. To heal, repair and renew those things nothing in our tool box, can really fix. What’s more, if we can listen to His Word, and study it enough, ponder it long enough, we have the hope and promise of eternal life with Him. Where comfort, hope, joy, understanding, and love, are no longer needs or desires, but all we have. All pure goodness. Can you imagine?

Anyone who knows my family in real life, know that we have a strong faith in God. We pray alone, we pray together, we give thanks to Him, for our obvious blessings. Always. We do our best to live a life, that reflects our love for Him, to Him. Not for anyone else. I am aware, of the peace He brings, deep within. I know of His mighty works, for we have seen it many times, first hand. We hold fast to His promises, because we believe in them. We have felt the indescribable, pure peace and joy of being filled with the Holy Spirit. I personally revel in that. It’s a high like no other.

But it is also true, that those who know me in real life, know that I am a lot more rough around the edges, than you would ever gather reading our blog. It’s not at all that I have ever been fake, by any means. As if trying to make others believe I am someone I am not, through this blog. But I have….held back. Too careful, not to offend anyone. Too selfish, not wanting to minimize our reading audience. Too protected, with the walls I build, to not let anyone too close. Too sure, no one needs to read about others small battles or challenges in life. Especially when we are clearly so blessed, with the things that are most valuable in life. We know we are blessed, and we are thankful to God for it all. And blessings…..joys……those are the things I have always wanted to focus on most.

But I don’t always. We have our problems and struggles, too. I have my days, where my attitude sucks, despite all I have that is good and joyful. When I resent someone enough, that I don’t want to think about them, much less pray for them. When I don’t feel well, and I lack patience and energy, and have a sharp and sarcastic tongue with my children, and then wallow because I feel bad for messing up. I can be a bad example, and I can put walls up between myself and anyone I want to. And oh how I want to all too often! (I am SO good with wall-building. Like, a professional.) Because people can really bug the hell out of me, quite frankly. Because sometimes, it’s just easier. I can be too busy. Too distracted. Too selfish. Too lost in the shadows, and too far from the Light. On those days, I feel small, and weak, and tired. Eventually, when I finally find my humble-state and strength, just as I teach my children, I must apologize to those I may have hurt or offended, and promise to try harder, and do better.

All the while, I know better in the first place. All the while, even on our best and most joyful days, that really are the majority, I expect more of me. I fall short of my own high standards on many levels, and more importantly, I know God expects more of me as well. While I know our tools are on one hand meant as the simple joys God has given us, that they seem to be, I also know there is a greater meaning to it all. Our day to day activities. The things we love to do. The reason we do anything at all. What does it all mean? What is the greater purpose? What are we to learn from it all? I know I don’t know, nearly all there is to know. But I do know I hear Him calling me closer, and I want to go. I know His love for me, for us all, is immeasurable. I want to grow, more, in Him. I want to love, like that. I want His Light to fill every shadow that is to come our way, and know how to find Him, and His abundant gifts of peace, love, joy, grace, and knowing. I want to have a deeper and clearer understanding of His Word, Jesus’ teachings, the Scripture, and what they mean for me, for my family, for you, for us all. That would be the greatest power tool of all!

That is one of the main purposes, for this fresh new space for our blog, for us, and for you. It is the fresh new space, as a reminder, that we want to daily broaden our direction, to a holier and more complete life. A space that honors God more, as we do in our family life. To focus more on Him, and learn, every day, in every way, all of the time. While we indulge in our power tool box, or while we face the challenges and fears of the dark shadows of our life, it is our journey to turn to Him in all that we do, and allow Him to cast His Light over it all. And to reflect that here, as it comes. To face life, with all of it’s day to day struggles, and all of our stumbling and flaws, and look to Jesus’ messages for perspective and strength. We’d like this blog to be a place to encourage each other, to be more….all that He has created us to be….to try again….to better fulfill our vocations. I know we have places that could use some healing. We will fall down, or lose our way. But we can dust off, and begin again. God is always there, never leaving us. He will always forgive us, again and again, and never stop loving us, with a kind of love we can’t even fathom. We want to listen harder to His message, to strive harder to follow His Word, to accept His grace and forgiveness, and rely on the strength we can only truly gain from Him, and His love.

I think I’ll be shining all the more authentically around here, because I need to. God willing, you will see me grow, too. Because at 40-something, I am going through a growth spurt! It’s painful at times, but it’s all-so-good. Life is good. God is infinitely good. It’s a new and brighter journey, for us all, if we let Him shine in the shadows that life casts upon us all, too. We hope you feel encouraged to do the same. And we encourage you to keep your own tool boxes open and accessible at all times! Because there is always something that comes along in life, that could use a little just fixing.

– Laura (and family)

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“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well. (Psalm 139:14)

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Don’t Leave It On The Desk | A Worthy Read for All

May 15, 2011 By Laura 3 Comments

I have an admittance to make. I never read those FWDs (forwards), that show up in my e-mailbox. No matter who has sent it (and I get them from people I truly love), I just delete them, without even opening them first. Because the thing is, there are just so many of them that come, and I know in the end…..some will be worth the read, and some won’t. But I won’t know which is which, until I’ve read each one, and that time I spent reading, is eaten! Wasted time and I, don’t see eye to eye. So I pass on the FWD’s, happily. There’s not enough time in my day, to take chances.

But I was tricked. A good friend of mine shared this one on Facebook, and somehow, I started reading it. I’m always interested in what she has to say. I realized it was getting long, and I needed to get ready for Mass, as it was Sunday morning, but I was already sucked in! So I stuck it out, riveted to the monitor, as a few tears were shed into my coffee cup. I loved it so much, that I decided to share it on our blog. I hope you take the time to read it, too.

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Don’t Leave It On The Desk

A certain Professor of Religion named Dr. Christianson, a studious man, taught at a small college in the western United States.

Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this particular institution. Every student was required to take this course their freshman year, regardless of his or her major.

Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously.

This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman but was studying with the intent of going onto seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team and was the best student in the professor’s class.

One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him.

“How many push-ups can you do?”

Steve said, “I do about 200 every night.”

“200? That’s pretty good, Steve,” Dr. Christianson said. “Do you think you could do 300?”

Steve replied, “I don’t know…. I’ve never done 300 at a time”

“Do you think you could?” again asked Dr. Christianson.

“Well, I can try,” said Steve.

“Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind, and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it,” said the professor.

Steve said, “Well… I think I can…yeah, I can do it.”

Dr. Christianson said, “Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind.”

Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. No, these weren’t the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson’s class.

Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, “Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?”

Cynthia said, “Yes.”

Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, “Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?”

“Sure!” Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then Steve again sat in his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia’s desk.

Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, “Joe, do you want a donut?”

Joe said, “Yes.” Dr. Christianson asked, “Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?”

Steve did ten push-ups; Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten push-ups for every person before they got their donut.

Walking down the second aisle, Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship.

When the professor asked, “Scott do you want a donut?”

Scott’s reply was, “Well, can I do my own push-ups?”

Dr. Christianson said, “No, Steve has to do them.”

Then Scott said, “Well, I don’t want one then.”

Dr… Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, “Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Scott can have a donut he doesn’t want?”

With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten push-ups.

Scott said, “HEY! I said I didn’t want one!”

Dr. Christianson said, “Look! This is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don’t want it.” And he put a donut on Scott’s desk.

Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow.

Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry. Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, “Jenny, do you want a donut?”

Sternly, Jenny said, “No.”

Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, “Steve, would you do ten more push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn’t want?”

Steve did ten….Jenny got a donut.

By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say, “No!” and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks.

Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these push-ups done for each donut. A small pool of sweat began to form on the floor beneath his face; his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved.

Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten push-ups in a set because he couldn’t bear to watch all of Steve’s work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was, so Robert counted the set and watched Steve closely.

Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row. During his class, however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now there were 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it.

Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set.

Steve asked Dr. Christianson, “Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?”

Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, “Well, they’re your push-ups. You are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want.” And Dr. Christianson went on.

A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, “NO! Don’t come in! Stay out!”

Jason didn’t know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, “No, let him come.”

Professor Christianson said, “You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten push-ups for him?”

Steve said, “Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut.”

Dr. Christianson said, “Okay, Steve, I’ll let you get Jason’s out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?”

Jason, new to the room, hardly knew what was going on. “Yes,” he said, “give me a donut.”

“Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?”

Steve did ten push-ups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down.

Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row, and then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve’s arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. By this time sweat was profusely dropping off of his face, there was no sound except his heavy breathing; there was not a dry eye in the room.

The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, “Linda, do you want a doughnut?”

Linda said, very sadly, “No, thank you.”

Professor Christianson quietly asked, “Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn’t want?”

Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow push-ups for Linda.

Then Dr. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. “Susan, do you want a donut?”

Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. “Dr. Christianson, why can’t I help him?”

Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, “No, Steve has to do it alone; I have given him this task, and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not.. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push-ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes.”

“Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?”

As Steve very slowly finished his last push-up, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 push-ups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.

Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said, “And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father, ‘Into thy hands I commend my spirit.’ With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, He yielded up His life. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten.”

Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile.

“Well done, good and faithful servant,” said the professor, adding, “Not all sermons are preached in words.”

Turning to his class, the professor said, “My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God spared not His Only Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all, for the whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose to accept His gift to us, the price has been paid.”

“Wouldn’t you be foolish and ungrateful to leave it lying on the desk?”

Share this with someone. It’s bound to touch their heart and demonstrate Salvation in a very special way.

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Don’t Leave It On The Desk

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