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A Glimpse Into This Mother’s (Typical) Day.

May 9, 2012 By Laura 6 Comments

It’s morning, and the coffee maker gurgles it’s last drips of piping hot fresh coffee into the pot. My boys race to the kitchen to be the one who gets to prepare my first cup of the day. It’s delivered to my hands, wherever I am, followed up with the first smile, kiss and hug of the day.  As my girls sleepily descend down the stairs, they are collided by one brother or other, greeted with a hug of their own, the moment their foot hits the bottom of the staircase.  I watch, as I sip my coffee, still waking up, happy to see they are happy to see each other, every morning.  They pour cereal and milk in the kitchen, and chat too much all through breakfast, reliving many amusements that still make them all laugh again, for the millionth time.


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     Everyone is washed and ready for the day. Our school day begins with prayer and Scripture discussion. In closing, the littles say the Lord’s Prayer, with hands held to form a circle of themselves, and following the great Amen, their 6 hands all collide in the middle and then reach up to the Heavens, in some triplet ritual of praise to God, that only they can fully understand.

    We open our books and begin verbal reviews, and all of the lessons to be done. To teach them, fills my heart with such joy. Being able to watch them all understand and put their new knowledge to use, feels like a new gift to me, every day. They teach me so much in a day, too. Soon, the room is filled with nothing but the beautiful sound of many pencils at work, and thinking.   My youngest daughter leans my direction repeatedly, peeking into my coffee cup, waiting to see the bottom, so she can get me a refill.  The same sweet girl, who loves to help, and leaves me floral arrangements  in shot glasses, all over the house.  I smile inside, and remember I should probably eat breakfast, too.



Hours later, and it’s time for a late lunch.  Another highlight of their day.  Good gosh, do they love to eat. I overhear a discussion of their hopes and wonders, that there will still be food, and the need to eat, in Heaven. I giggle, and offer the notion that feasting is a form of great celebration, so I imagine there is much of that in Heaven.  They all express various forms of great relief, and it amuses me again.  I secretly hope there is wine at these feast celebrations, too.

    Appointments, activities, workshops, practices or games… the day often holds something to get done or somewhere to be.  If we separate, I’m always given proper good-byes;  a kiss on the cheek with a beaming smile of excitement, an ‘I love you’ and a verbal promises to ‘see you later.’ Even my oldest never hesitates, despite all of the eyes and ears of her high school friends around. I am thankful that hasn’t changed, and I pray it never will.

   The day wears on, and I get little done of my own, that I had intended. But the kids spend their energy well. Races are run, seeds are planted, and bugs are observed in containers, all too often forgotten, only to bake in the sun. Trees are climbed high enough to make my heart pound. I want to tell them to come down, before they fall and get injured. But I don’t. Instead, I say a silent prayer, and go take their photo, zooming in and shooting up from the ground.

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Little arms with grubby hands, randomly find me, wrapping tightly around my middle, and gifting me with surprise hugs that remind me of how good love feels, and the recurring wish that they could stay little forever.

     Artwork, crafts and love notes, written and created just for me, are everywhere; hanging by clothes pins, pinned to bulletin boards, overflowing out of folders and boxes.  The artistic gene and love of art, from both sides, passed on from generations before, lives on in them.

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05_     I attempt to work on my laptop on the couch, throwing my feet up, while little fingers pound keys, and piano music fills the house, bouncing off the walls. It’s lovely, and distracting. It’s such a treat when any one of my kiddos prop my feet on their lap and read a book, while giving me a foot rub.  They know how much I love those.  Life is good.


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    Their bellies are filled once again, and the littles wash and change for bed. It’s quiet time before sleep, and they read more books, taking turns to suddenly interrupt the silence, to share bits of what they are so amused by, from the pages of their books. It’s time to climb into their beds.  But not before another round of hugs, kisses, and I love you’s – for me, their Daddy, and for each other.

   I indulge in my nightly routine. A hot shower, pajamas, and my own winding down before sleep. My big girl and I often find ourselves hanging out on my bed. She with her books and notebooks, and I with my laptop, but neither of us getting much done.  We’re too busy, having the best kinds of talks a mother and her teenage girl can have, or laughing so hard that we can’t catch a breath, as tears stream down our cheeks.  She has such a lively and beautiful laugh. Michael appears in the doorway, wanting to know what he is missing out on. I let her stay up too late, until her chin quivers; a tell-tale sign she is way over tired. I tell her it’s really time for bed, and I see her think about protesting, but decides she is too tired to. She kisses me, and recites her 3 lines she has said to both Michael and I every night for so many years, it has become  single run-on sentence: “Love you goodnight see you in the morning. ”  I repeat it back to her, as she lumbers off and up the stairs.

   This is such a beautiful, typical day for me as a mother. My children’s behavior and choices, are not always wonderful. But then, neither are mine. In between all of the expressions of love, thoughtfulness, busy-ness, and fits of laughter that each day can hold, are also disagreements and disgruntled moments that forget respect, responsibility, or efforts to strive to be like Jesus.  Just as there are moments in every day, that I fail to the very best mother I can be, for them.  But it’s the love between a mother and her children, that outshines the rest.  Taking a moment to count our blessings, and thanking the good Lord for every one, reminds us of what a great thing we’ve got going, and we forget the rest.  We have love, and we have joy, and there are no greater gifts, than family.  

    At the end of each day, I am exhausted. But I know after a little sleep, I’ll be ready to do it all over again the next day. I ponder all that needs to be done, and all that we’ll repeat, when the sun rises at dawn the next morning, once again, and I feel the little leap of happiness in my heart. I look forward to it. But first, I must sleep.  I do for hours, until I wake somewhere in the few hours past midnight, for no reason at all. It is never so quiet, as it is when I am the only one awake. I revel in the moments (sometimes hours) of sheer silence, while I can. I take the opportunity to brainstorm, to plan, to dream, to relive memories, to ponder all of my blessings, and to pray.  Sometimes, I waste it worrying. I re-evaluate once again, if I am honoring this blessed role God gave me well enough, as the mother of these children; where and how I might do better.  I always want to.  They deserve the best I can give. And I promised God I would. Every day that I am given to try again, is a gift.


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    Mother’s Day is this weekend. It’s a wonderful and thoughtful day, honoring mothers of various means and generations, everywhere. My husband and kids always give me an extra special day, usually agreeing to antique shop hop with me, all day long.  No matter what the day holds, it doesn’t really matter…… 

Because I know:  Head to toe, and inside out, morning until night, 24/7 and 365 days a year, I AM BLESSED that these 4 beautiful children call me Mama.  One day, one lifetime, will never be enough, to celebrate the immeasurable gratitude I feel, for that.


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Filed Under: Holidays, Life In General, Parenting, The Big Picture Tagged With: Catholic-blogs, Catholic-families, day-in-the-life, homeschooling, mothering, Parenting

Our Road to Homeschooling – Our Story

February 22, 2012 By Laura 18 Comments

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We all have our story, I suppose.  Our own road, that led us to where we are, homeschooling.  I know we have ours.  And I would think nobody would really care to hear it, except for the fact that, people ask! -ALL OF THE TIME!  But I warn you….it’s really a story. Like, of the novel kind. In the way of lengthy. So, if you are interested to read about it, you may want to go all out, and make a hot beverage to go with it, or something. I’m not sure it’s all that entertaining, but it’s our story, nonetheless.

 

My First Thoughts of Homeschooling Our Children

I think the seed was planted in my heart real early on, to be a homeschooling Mama. As a child, myself.  I never really liked my own reality of being in school, at all. But I did love playing school, with my siblings and friends. I have many memories of pretending. One of us would be the teacher, and the rest of us would be the students.  I vividly remember some summer days, of sitting on a couple of front porch steps made of boards, with our bare legs and feet dangling underneath the porch, and using the one step higher as our desk. (Something I would never do today, knowing the spiders and other creepy crawlies that would be under there. Lol.). So yeah, playing school was a favorite activity of mine to play, even though I wasn’t a fan of real school.

 

Miss Beadle Made Me Do It

I’m pretty sure I also got some inspiration from Miss Beadle, from Little House on the Prairie! I most loved any scenes in the school house. To this day, I have such a love for old schoolhouses. Granted, Miss Beadle’s class was not truly homeschooling. But still, I fell in love with the simplicity of the one-room schoolhouse, with the bell, the old desks and chalkboard slates, the burning stove for heat, and the notion that kids of different ages, even siblings, could not only learn together in the same place, but could actually benefit in many ways, from that. It differed a lot, from my own experience of going to school. I also really felt some kind of connection with the style of raising children in those days on the Prairie, and how it seemed to build strong character in them, as was seen in the roles as they grew up over the years. Of course, it was just a show. But as I got older, I learned that it was a true representation of that era, and to this day, I am drawn to that way of life.

So those impressions probably took real root in my heart, even as young as I was.  But, I think the first real, formed thought I had on the matter, was in the moments that I held my first newborn baby, Alexis Grace, in my arms.  I had had an all natural, drug-free birth with a midwife, and I was so exhausted after laboring all through the night. But I vividly recall being in my hospital bed sometime later that day, holding my new baby girl in my arms, all wrapped in a blanket, and looking into her sweet little face with her little pink cotton hat, thinking: “I cannot even imagine ever sending you off to school every day.” I knew, she would grow up in the blink of an eye, and I already did not want to miss any of it. I think that was the day I figured I would never send her to school.

 

But Then I Did, for a Blink. 

When she became kindergarten age, there was no doubt by then that I simply wanted to homeschool her. No part of me wanted to send her to school for a 1/2 day, 5 days a week.  But in the same time frame, I found myself pregnant. (Hooray!!)  And I found myself thinking about the 1-on-1 time I had had with Alexis, in her first year, and I didn’t want to not be able to give that same valuable bonding time, to our new baby. Honestly, I find it kind of silly looking back now, but it’s what I was concerned with at the time, as much as I was conflicted because I didn’t want to miss having Alexis home, at the same time. In addition to that, I wasn’t sure I could school Alexis effectively, and care for a newborn with the same attention. (? – I know now, I could have, with one baby.) So, being on the fence with my decision, I did take her to be tested and registered her for kindergarten. Just in case, we decided to send her.


Well, the baby on the way, turned out to be three babies on the way!
 

That ‘kindergarten year’, turned out to be non-stop caring for, feeding, bathing, changing, rocking, soothing our 3 newborns!  That is, once we got them all home! They were born several weeks early, after my own 6 months of strict and complete bedrest, while I was pregnant with them. (Early complications that threatened them.)  But what I found in those bedridden months, while spending such time with Alexis on my bed, was that home schooling was for us, as much as I ever thought it was! Among our pillows and blankets on my bed, Alexis really learned to read, and write, and teaching her such things as critical thinking, was something I found I really loved to do. Watching her get it, and be excited, and grow in her knowledge, was just downright fun to me. And she seemed to be loving it, too.

It was also the time that I spent very pregnant on bed rest that I spent a lot of time praying, and bargaining with God, or so I thought.  It was a personal promise to Him, in that time, that later cemented my commitment to home school our kids as soon as possible. Of course, I would soon have my hands more than full, and be way short on sleep. So off to kindergarten Alexis went, exactly five days after her triplet siblings were born. I was seriously hurting, physically, but I was determined to be the one, that brought her to school, for her first day. Of course, another mother (just trying to be friendly and chatty), had to mention how I looked like I was ‘ready any day’, and asked me when I was due. Thanks, Lady! She was every shade of apologetic and astonished, when I had to tell her I already gave birth 5 days prior, to triplets. Honestly though, I couldn’t really blame her. That belly took it’s sweet time going down.

 

That First Year

I wasn’t too bothered by Alexis going to school that year, for half days. For one, her school was literally within walking distance. But also because my own kindergarten year, were rather magical memories.  At that time in our lives, it gave Alexis a change of pace that was good for her, and Lord knows I would not have had much time to really teach her well. But over the following weeks, the babies grew and progressed and came home one by one, all in God’s time, and we were all finally home as a family, a week before Christmas. THAT, was the best Christmas, ever!!  Honestly, after all we had been through, I think that was when we learned to truly trust in God, and had learned to appreciate the little things. Journeys like that forever change people.  It sure did us.

homeschooling-3 (2002-Home All Together for Our First Christmas – Our Christmas Card)

So, in reading this, you’d probably think the next year, I began home schooling Alexis. Right? But no…..it took me a couple of years, to get my groove, caring for 3 babies. With the reality of official homeschooling being new territory for me, I wanted to do it right. Whatever right is, right? So, Alexis continued to go to school, through 1st and 2nd Grade! All the while we knew she would be home schooled as soon as I could.  I have to say though, that there were regular instances in her formal school years, where I knew formal schooling would not be for us. So at the end of 2nd Grade, I pulled her out of school for good.

 

And Our Homeschooling Journey as a Family Began

homeschooling-7 (2005 – Alexis in 3rd Grade / Triplets 3 years old) – Catching and studying Periwinkles!

Of course, I would have the other 3 to school as well, soon enough. The triplets have never been to school, and that was the plan from the beginning of their lives.  Honestly, I believe children begin being schooled by their parents, at birth! So it’s really a natural progression, to just keep going. But the ‘first day of school’ that Alexis technically began schooling at home for 3rd Grade, in 2005, the triplets were only 3 years old. It was an easy and relaxed first year.  Alexis did her written work and math easily, and we did a lot of out door excursions all together, learning about nature, and finding our homeschooling groove. Which came quite naturally.

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2005- Alexis with her bull frog, “Goliath”.

I began kind of formally schooling the trio the following year in 2006, although they had only just turned 4 and were too young for kindergarten, only because they kept asking to “have school work like Alexis does“.  So, I began table work with them that year. Meanwhile, they were picking a lot up and learning  right along with Alexis….

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2006-Science / Nature Trail Walk / Learning about mushrooms we found.

The following year in 2007, I was officially homeschooling all 4 of the kids:

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2007 – School Photo.  Alexis: 5th Grade /  JackMichael, Olivia & Shane: Kindergarten

Because they learned so much the year before, Kindergarten was kind of a joke to them.  I heard a lot of, “I already know how to do this, but it’s still fun!”. It was just a warm up year anyway, to start working at the table in a disciplined way, for an extended period of time.  But making learning pretty fun and exciting, in those early years, I came to believe was crucial. I found it really sets the pace for their attitude, about learning.  That theory of mine, could also be a whole other post, sometime.  But let’s keep this post on track.

Suffice it to say, after so many years of homeschooling now, all 4 of our kids still have a great attitude about school time, and love learning so much, that it is often self-propelled.   Now that they are older, it is not always FUN, per say. But they all still seem to have a great appreciation for the process of learning. Mind you, while we do throw some fun in our school year here and there in various ways, most often they do put several hours into several subjects a day. I’m not an easy teacher. It’s all getting done, and done well. Because I feel they need to know how to work hard as well, and to understand, that often times in life, there are tasks to be done, responsibilities to tend to, or lessons to be learned, that fun or less than enjoyable or not, still need to be accomplished. That’s life.  But to start out with a good experience with learning while they are young, and create that curiosity and thirst for knowledge in them, followed by more disciplined work ethic and a good outlook, really seems to have set a nice pace for our kids.  We think, hope, and pray, that it has become a part of them, for all they set out to do, or find themselves faced with, all throughout their lives.

homeschooling-6 So, that is our story, of how we came to be a homeschooling family. All of the reasons WHY we homeschool, could be another post all it’s own.  All I can tell you now, is that there isn’t a day we have regretted it. If ever we found ourselves back in time, with the choice once again of which road of education-style to choose, we would take this one less traveled by once again. We really do feel, for our family, it is making all of the difference.

 

homeschooling-2 (2015)

*2017 UPDATE:
Our oldest daughter is away in her second year of college. She is double-majoring in Communication and Theology.

NOTE: If you homeschool your children as well, share with us a bit about how you came to making the choice. If you have told your story and have a link, leave it for us below! If you are not homeschooling yet, but are considering it, why do you feel you are drawn to it?
Got a homeschooling topic or question you’d like to hear from us about? Let us know that too!
We’d love to hear from you, and connect with you all!



Filed Under: Faith, Faith/ Catholic, Homeschooling, Life In General, Parenting, The Big Picture Tagged With: Catholic-blogs, Catholic-families, decision-to-homeschool, home-schooling-families, homeschooling, homeschooling-families, triplets, why-we-homeschool

Playing to WIN! / $ Give-Away! $

August 29, 2011 By Laura 124 Comments

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Yes. Here I am talking about Basketball and such already and the new season has not even begun yet! But honestly, you DO want to bear with me. Today there’s a whole new spin to the perspectives and purpose of this post. I’d love for you all to give it a read, and then join in with your thoughts & experiences, regarding your kid’s sports. In the end, you and I can both win. ; )

 

Growing up as a kid, I was never really involved in any kind of organized sports. Neither was my husband, in his childhood.  Sometimes as a kid, in my free time, I played tennis against the school wall down the street, or my brothers and I played basketball in the drive way.  It was more of the ‘Around the World’ type of basketball, rather than any real 1-on-1. The only ones who took a beating, were the Hosta plants that lined the single lane driveway! I have memories of my Dad pitching a wiffle ball to me too, because I really loved to hit, and I wasn’t half bad! He’d even go get the ball, only to pitch it to me again, over and over.  But that was the extent of my sports. I was really more of the artist type. I spent most of my time drawing, painting, and (closet) singing, right through high school.  Going to art school was my plan right from Kindergarten, and when I graduated from high school, that’s just what I did.

So no one was more surprised than I was, to find I was going to be ‘one of those sports moms’. You know the kind.  The ones who are always on the sidelines, really into the game, screaming her head off the whole time? That would be me.

I remember the day I realized it too. Things had just begun in that little school gym, where I had brought my daughter {A}, and I immediately found myself out of my seat, hootin’, hollarin’, cheering, and shouting out instructional tips. I was all hyped up with excitement and adrenaline, and apparently making a little scene, because the coaches and all of the kids, kept looking at me with an amused expression.  Maybe, because it was just the first practice of this basketball season, for my first child’s, first practice, and first sport, ever.  I was the one and only spectator there, as all of the other parents had dropped their kids off.

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(2006)

That was six years ago, when {A} was just 8 years old.  It was the beginning of a whole new experience, for all of us, as a family. The first reward we found in sports, was that it was another activity we enjoyed together. She really loved playing, and you could always find the other 5 of the 6 of us in the bleachers, cheering her and her team on. Her little siblings were a cheer section of their own!  Her Dad commentated quietly, often explaining to me what he thought just happened. And then there was me; the loudest of us all.

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(2007)

We never doubted {A} would have a good time playing on a team.  She was always that kind of kid, who had fun no matter what she was doing.  She was a ‘people person’, who approached and befriended others easily. You know, very SOCIAL, even though she was a home schooled kid.  😉 To this day, people ask us if she is ever not smiling. But I’d always taught her, it was important to do her best, no matter what. I never followed the line of thinking with sports, that ‘as long as we have fun, that’s what matters.’ No!! We’re here to WIN!! Aren’t we? It’s great to enjoy it, but her team was counting on her to give it all she had, and so was I. She was probably an average player to start, being new not only to the game, but a year late into it, as opposed to her other girls who played the year prior. But, she was well-liked, and committed to her team.  Her biggest downfall was her heart on the court; she felt bad taking the ball away from even a player on the opposing team. ; ) We had a few chats about that, but otherwise, it was a great first and second season for her, as she learned the rules, in and outs of the game, through weekly practices and games. We all learned along with her, listening to instruction, and those ear-piercing whistle blows.

She was still working on refining all of her skills. Especially with her new physical self; she had grown 5 inches in the past year!

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(2009)

As she got a little older, we saw things start to change in her a little bit.  She was getting on the other side of that awkward growth spurt. She was all knees and elbows, for a bit there. She had learned a lot more about the game, and so did we. Basketball had become a regular part of our lives, every cold season, as we got her to her practices, and watched more intently than ever, at her games.  She was practicing off the court more, her focus was better, her determination was stronger, and all of the skills she had acquired were starting to come together. I was enjoying seeing her thrive, and had become more maniacal than ever, at her games.  For perspective, I often leave a game with a throat that is torn up, and a new hair-do. ; )

She was still her happy-go-lucky self.  But she was more serious about every game.  We started having post-game talks on the way home, about the great plays, or ones she could have done better or differently.

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(2010)

Then we hit a real milestone.  One might call it a ‘game changer’.  As more serious as she was about the game, she was still used to being on friendly terms with every coach she had had. One they all could joke with, and have fun.  But this new coach this one year, was alllll business. He wasn’t there to make friends, or waste his time. She didn’t like how he didn’t have a light-humored side.  She didn’t like how he demanded the girls do things a very certain and different way.  His way, as she saw it. She didn’t like that he was yelling angrily out onto the court at the girls, by name. (including his own daughter.)  She didn’t like a lot of things about this year. He drove the girls, hard. And he rubbed her sunny-disposition, the wrong way.

But I thought this coach this particular year, was a great thing, and I told her why:  Because it was a perfect lesson on LIFE. She was going to get a job someday, and not necessarily like how her boss does things. Or even her BOSS, for that matter. But she’d still need to do her job, follow instructions, be a team player, and respect the authority. Yes, when the time was right, she could re-evaluate things, and choose to seek a new job, more to her liking. But she had to complete the project she was committed to, just as she had to stay on this team and play the year out, just as she had committed to. It was going to be good for her, to work with someone she found very difficult.  It would help develop her character; teaching her the skills of tolerance, patience, obedience, and strength. She’d need to adjust. It would be a rough road for her, and I had every intention of being there for her, with some tough love. But she had to push herself through it.

She stuck the year out. Not always happily, especially in the beginning. But she learned to deal with it all quickly. She learned to relate to the coach, on his terms.  And I was right.  By year’s end, she was a new player. She had grown so much, as a person, had new found skills, and had developed in so many ways, more than she ever had, more a than any other year. Through the difficult year, both physically and mentally, she had changed a lot.  By leaps and bounds. She had gained stamina, and a more mature perspective. She found her drive.  She had found her aggression, in a big way, on the court!  She was going for that ball, no matter who on the opposing team had it, and she would fight to hold onto it to the floor.  She wasn’t one to mess with, anymore.

She had become a real athlete.

And when the last game that year had just been played, she was the only girl who went up to her coach, and said, “Thank you, for coaching me all year. I learned a lot from you.”

6_2010 As a sports mom, I had become concerned about more than just getting her here and there, or where ever she needed to be.  I had learned how to give her all she needed, as an athlete.  I wanted to be sure she always had the energy and hydration, come practice or game time. That meant making sure she always ate right, and ate the right things, at the right times. And to keep the fluids going down. I wanted to make sure I kept her strong, and healthy!  An injury was the last thing I wanted for her.

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Basketball was the sport she’d always been involved with.  But she’d learned to throw a mean football, at 5 years old.  It was something she and her Daddy did a lot in the yard. Of course the older and bigger she got, the better she became.  On the court, old basketball coaches could not even believe how tall she had gotten. There was a 2 year span where she had grown a total of 8 1/2 inches!  That was really helping her game.  But she was also growing more and more interested in football.  She loved watching the games on tv, and was intent on playing Flag Football.  One clinic with Coach Greg, and she was hooked.

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(2011)

Her last year on the town’s team, was an incredible one for her.

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(2011)

She was so sad to have outgrown the league, but she went out with a bang!

She had come a long, long way, in the 6 years she had played. She worked hard with the basketball, even off the court, developing skills you don’t often see in a player that age. Never mind a girl. She had learned to dribble with her knees!  She was passionate about basketball, and it showed.  Especially to those who noticed these things.

She was encouraged by current and former coaches, to go for the public South High School team. She wanted to play for them, badly.  And so I had every intention of being sure she had that chance to play for them, even though she was home schooled. I understood she’d have to pass try-outs. But I had heard making the team, or actually playing, could be…challenging, for home schoolers.  I’d cross that bridge when I got to it, if it ever proved to be a problem.

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But that time was not here yet.  She had her heart set on making it onto the town’s spring Flag Football league, before she grew out of the age range.

Of course, she had to make the team, first. And that she did. Her former coach (Greg) knew her the second she walked into the try-outs, and her place on a team was practically automatic. ALL of the coaches were there to observe, taking notes for drafting the players they wanted.  The most unlikeliest of coaches drafted her first, based on observing the reaction of Coach Greg when she walked in, and then watching her tryout.

She played, and was the only girl in the whole league!  She wasn’t treated any differently than the boys.  And she didn’t play any differently, either. She was an unexpected force to be reckoned with.  She was passionate about Flag Football now, too. She just loved playing the game. And it showed.

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(2011)

Just as with Basketball, we were on the sidenlines, making some noise, for her and her team!  As if my big long camera lens didn’t draw enough attention to myself, screaming my head off half the time did!  I just couldn’t help myself. Michael and I had a game, to see how long I could be quiet.  The excitement and anticipation at times, was more than I could contain. We found sports to be a rush like no other.  I had felt my own competitive streak come alive that very first practice she had, at 8 years old, and it was clearly in her blood too. She helped take her Flag Football team all the way to the Superbowl, where they lost by 1-single-point!  It was a hard pill to swallow.  It was a fluke, actually!  But we were busy digging up the grace we needed, to be good sports about it. ; )

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(2011)

After all, she had to be a good example, to her biggest little triplet fans, who were so very inspired by their big sister.

She was a STAR, in their eyes, and about to try making a mark of their own, in sports.

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(2011)

High School Basketball is a few months away yet, but I had started making contact with the powers that be, real early, and she found herself at a Volleyball clinic twice a week, at the public South High School. She quickly fell in love with this sport too, and they quickly took notice of her.  It was nothing short of boot camp.  But she kept going back, and they were impressed she did, and were happy to see her. Her potential coach said to us, “The biggest sign of a true athlete, is not just skills, but being tough. And she IS. She’s got that.”

Try-outs for the public South High School Volleyball team are coming up, and she’ll be there ready to show her stuff.  She’s been training on her own. I can say it’s looking promising, and a very busy year, with 3 kids in sports anyway. Maybe 4.

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(2011)

{A} has her dreams and goals, short & long term,  and she’ll always work hard to reach them. She has high standards for herself, anyway.

But even if she didn’t, she always has me to push her. ; ) 

To me, being so involved in sports, and having such passions for it, has proved to be full of benefits, skills, and gifts, and a truly effective way to pave the way, to play the game of life!  If sports doesn’t literally take {A} where she wants to go, it will certainly have given her all she needs on the inside, to get there on her own.

She’s the picture of young athletes all over the world, just like her. If you’re a parent of an athlete-in-the-making, or one who is already, this is your lucky day. I’m giving away a:

$100.00 Dick’s Sporting Goods Gift Card!!
(We’re sorry -This Giveaway has now ended.)

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One way you can have a chance to win, is to tell me:

In what ways do you see your kids playing sports, as preparing them for the game of life?

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Rules:

No duplicate comments.

You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry
methods:

a) Leave a comment in response to my sweepstakes prompt question on this post

b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment
on this post

c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on
this post

d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about
an alternate form of entry.

And if that’s not enough, there are additional ways to win a gift card to Dick’s Sporting Good here: Promotions & Prizes section

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older.

Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail.

(I will also announce the winner via our Facebook Page and our Twitter.)

The Sweepstakes Dates are:  8/29 – 9/30 (Now ended.)

You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here: Visit the Official Rules.

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE!

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Filed Under: Giveaways, Life In General, Parenting, Reviews & Sponsors, The Big Picture Tagged With: Gatorade, giveaways, Parenting, youth-athletics, youth-sports

✔’s, Gems, and X’s / Our System for Our Kid’s Responsibilities & Behavior

June 29, 2011 By Laura 9 Comments

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∆ Fair Warning: This is like a 10 minute read.
If you’ve got the time, I’ve got the verbage.
So grab a drink, sit back, & relax.

The Prelude

There are days when I feel like I have 50 things to get done that day. I always have lists going, of my agendas. I’m writing tasks down as I think of them, while trying to take care of others and check them off. Between running a family (I am the thinker & planner, as I suppose most mothers are), homeschooling the kids, running my photography business, and running the blog, my head spins sometimes.  Paid or not, every agenda is all ‘work to do’ in my head, albeit work that I enjoy, as overwhelmed as I can get on some days.

But there is no job on any given day, that is more important to me, or that I am more passionate about in my heart, than helping lead and encourage my children into being the best grown people they can be.   It’s #1, always. It comes before everything else in my book, including them learning any academics.  By a long shot.  The formation of their character, to me, is the most critical aspect of my job as a parent.

In the end, I think we all have the same goals for our children, no matter where the source of our inspiration to ‘get this parenting thing right’ comes from.  Right? If we live consciously, we will do our best most days, and still make mistakes along the way! But it’s in trying to do our best, and loving our children so much that we want to give them our best, that drives us.  Even if we all have different ways of what that means, or how to do it on a day to day basis.

From my own personal viewpoint:  the foundation of character begins with God, and what He expects of me as a parent, raising these children He has blessed us with.  One of those things, is to try and teach my children, what He expects of us all, as people. And how to use His teachings to guide us all.  It’s one I take extremely seriously, and one I never stop thinking about. I’m not perfect at it by any means, but I never give up. My mind never stops….“What is working? What isn’t? What needs to change? How can they best learn from this situation today?  What is the message they may be getting? Are they on the right path, for their age?” And the questions keep coming.  They have since the day I became a mother.  I’m sure so many of you are familiar with this internal interrogation.

Two years ago this month,  in June 2009, I happened to blog about “A 6 Star Date” that I went on with my son.  Some of you who have been following us for years, may remember it.  Others may want to read that old post later, here.   Generally, it was a system I had made up and was using at the time, to encourage and address our kid’s behavior choices.  We used it for the longest time, and still do for the most part.   The concept of the system, and the general basics, have remained the same.  If anything, it has expanded to cover more area, especially as the kids are older now. It has been pretty effective for our kids, and our family as a whole.   I’ve been meaning to share it on the blog here for some time, with the thought that any of you may want to try implementing something similar, or any part of it, tweaking it in ways you see fit, to work for your family.

 *As a reference point, as of the writing of this post:
It is the year 2011. For anyone not very familiar with our family, we have 4 children. They all have a birthday coming right up. Our oldest daughter Alexis, a.k.a {A} will be 14 years old, and then we have triplets who will be 9 years old at the end of August. They are in birth order, son-daughter-son;  JackMichael a.k.a {JM or J}, Olivia a.k.a. {O}, and Shane a.k.a. {S}.

Please understand that this post & system I am sharing, ultimately was fostered by our own personal opinions, convictions,  and style of parenting. We are a practicing Roman Catholic family, but it is completely tweakable for your own beliefs, I am sure. The post as a whole may not be 100% agreeable with everyone, but is offered to those interested in using it possibly as a practice of their own, in part or whole, or as a spring board for their own ideas.  It reflects our faith, and our convictions.  Please respect it’s entirety as such, and take from it what works for you, as you please.


The Responsibility and Behavior System:

(This system was not actually created all at once.  It was simply 3 separate things I had been doing to guide my children, when one day, I realize how collectively, it was a pretty good overall system. )

1) The Check Chart

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I want to give them skills to learn how to be responsible for themselves.

We use this responsibilities chart we made up, using vinyl cut letters & lines.  It lists our youngest one’s own personal responsibilities for each day of the week.  They check things off as they do them, every day.  This chart is in the kitchen, right beside the doorway between kitchen and the main living area, where we all pass through 100 times a day. It’s down low, right where the littles can’t miss it walking by. (It’s near the food.   ; )   By referring to the chart, there is no excuse for ‘forgetting’, and I can see at a glance, who has gotten what done. In the big picture, it saves me from talking as much, and asking each & every one of them “Did you brush your teeth yet””…”Did you wash your hands before dinner?”….”Did you…..”(this or that), driving myself and everyone else crazy.


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These responsibilities basically consist of the things they are expected to do, to care for themselves, and their own belongings. This includes any messes of their own they make in any room of the house, out in the yard, or anywhere else.  Cleaning up after ourselves is an expectation of person responsibility and a family rule. But it is also a responsibility in and of itself, to keep their chart’s check marks updated, which works out nicely.  What if someone is repeatedly neglecting their responsibility chart? We’ll get to that shortly.

I should note that, as of yet, we don’t personally ‘assign regular chores’ to the kids. That may change in time, depending. Although we don’t have a negative opinion in any way, of those families who do assign chores. Right now, we are teaching them that it takes everyone to be a team, and loving family member to work well as a unit.  Because we love each other, and wish to live in harmony & happiness. With that said, they ultimately help out a lot around here without asking them to, much, through this system, as you’ll soon realize.

 

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As you probably noticed, they also each have their own kid-color-coded marker, so we know whose checks are whose.  Our oldest is old enough not to need to be reminded of these responsibilities, which gives me great hope.


2) The Gems

 

child-behavior-responsibilities-system-parenting-3 I want them to feel appreciated, for their efforts, in being the best person God created them to be.

On top of our microwave in our kitchen, are 4 glass globe jars.   They are also kid-color-coded.  They are marked with each kid’s initial, have a pretty ribbon to match, and hold gems for their random efforts that we have appreciated, in our family.   To be clear, this is not a reward system.  I am not personally crazy about reward systems for the simple fact that, children, and all of us in general, should be expected to choose right, between right and wrong.  To choose to help others when we can. It’s what God expects of us, what shares and spreads love from within ourselves, to others, and what falls in line with our morals we are to live by.  In my opinion, choosing right, should not be bribed for, or lured with, rewards. Because then the incentive is not genuine, but ultimately selfish.  Often times, good things (I like to call natural consequences) happen to come of choosing right, anyway. But we should be expected to choose right, without needing to be rewarded for it, or looking to be.

 

child-behavior-responsibilities-system-parenting-5 With that said, gems may (or may not…) be given to any of the kids, when they are caught choosing right. It may be for doing a cleaning chore in the house that they saw needed to be done, such as sweeping the floor, straightening all of the shoes in the sun room, or picking up a mess someone else left after getting creative, before Mama found it. ; )  It may be because I overheard them put another before themselves, whether it be offering for someone else go first, or offering to share something. It may be for saying something kind to someone, doing a random act of kindness, or acting compassionately towards another.  These things apply whether we are at home together as a family, on a field trip, out on an outing with friends, or anywhere, with anyone, at all. Maybe they were the first to jump up when we called out through the house, “Dinner is ready! Can someone set the table please?” Being helpful, or loving, or thoughtful, or simply choosing right, when choosing wrong would have seemed easier in the immediate moment.  All of these things may get them a gem, which in all honesty, they do not (and cannot) expect. They know that is certainly true by now.

Because the rules have always been:

They cannot ever ask for a gem.

They cannot mention or remind me of gems, in relation to an action they took in any way.

They cannot even point out something they did, to be sure I know it. ; )

I in turn, do not always give them a gem, when I notice something. There are many, many times I don’t.  Simply because…..we all do and will do good, and choose right in life, and no one will appreciate it. It happens!  We can feel good in our hearts, knowing we pleased God, or held strong and chose right.  But there are times that is all we get out of it.  And it should be enough.

So this has really laid a foundation, for no expectations, in exchange for good choices.

 

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I keep all of the gems, in this box, on the tower of my computer.  I had bought net sacks filled with gems, in similar colored sets that match our color-coded kids, at Michael’s Arts & Crafts.   More often than not, they have no idea why I am calling them to me, when I do.  They weren’t even aware I could hear what was going on, or saw what they did. But boy are they pleased when they realize why I did call them!  Their face lights up, from an expression of wonderment, as they come to me.  I have no set number of gems they get, for any given wonderful choice.  Sometimes, it’s just 1, sometimes it’s 2. Sometimes I tell them it is double the number I was going to give, for one reason or another. (And I’ll tell them why.)  But there is no denying how pleased they are, no matter how many they get.  They always seem perfectly happy with what they got, even when it is just 1! In putting these gems in their hand, I tell them why they should feel good about their choice, why I appreciate what they did, why I am sure God is pleased with them too, and I thank them and we have big hugs.(I’m big on communication with my kids. We talk a lot!)

 

child-behavior-responsibilities-system-parenting-7 They take their gems into the kitchen, and put them in their jar.   And in all honesty, it’s just getting gems, that helps them feel so appreciated.  You can see it on their face, and in their body language. Because they know they chose good, and that someone noticed, and appreciated that.  Don’t we all just love to know that, sometimes? It re-enforces all things good, without expecting a pay-off.

Now I’ll be the first to tell you, I am not always paying attention.  Weeks can go by, without anyone getting a single gem. Simply because I have a lot on my mind, or things have been crazy.  Good choices are expected regardless, although they aren’t always what is chosen. I’ll be getting to that shortly too. ; )  But there is rarely any mention about the gems.

 

child-behavior-responsibilities-system-parenting-8 Meanwhile, they sure look pretty, sitting there in the kitchen, don’t they?

Eventually, someone’s jar does fill up to the ribbon, and we do mark it with a special occasion.  Now don’t judge the children based on their gem levels, in the photo above, because they have all been emptied and re-started at different times.  There is no comparing at this point, but filling that jar is a personal accomplishments that I do like to mark with a special time.   No matter how hard they work at being a good person and choosing right, it’s a feat to fill a jar like that with little gems! It takes quite awhile.  Even for our most helpful ones.  So when the jar is filled up, I’ll give them a choice. We’ll give them a little money, to go shopping with me or Daddy where they can buy something for themselves they specially wanted, OR, they can go to breakfast or lunch with one of us.

Either way, it’s called a Gem Date. It’s special one-on-one time between us, and it always feels as special as it is.   I be sure to take time with each one of my kids every day, to talk with them and connect 1-on-1 with them.  With schooling them myself, I have lots of opportunities all day to do that. But there is always something a little extra-special-feeling about a Gem Date, for both us as the parent, and the child.  They almost feel magical, like all of those little appreciations came together and exploded.

Gems are like magic stones, after a long and tiresome span of time of giving, and giving, with no expectations, when eventually, we can only hope to hear “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21)

 

child-behavior-responsibilities-system-parenting-9 This guy has nothing to do with the topic of this post, but he sits on my microwave, and I love him, so I thought I would introduce you to him. Except…he doesn’t have a name. But doesn’t his mohawk rock?  He is very special to me.  Alexis made him when she was 8 years, in a pottery class she was taking.

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If he doesn’t make you smile, I don’t know what’s wrong with you.


3) The X’s.

 

child-behavior-responsibilities-system-parenting-11 If a parent truly loves their child, they must be sure they get consequences, for their poor choices.

And in our system, those are represented by red X’s.   They go under that child’s initial, on another (huge) marker board, that is behind my desk, in my office cubby. I use the top of the board to track the point of process I am at with various clients.  But the bottom of the board is free & convenient for this purpose.

If a child knowingly and purposely makes a really bad choice, they get an X.  Now for the sake of this photo, I’m going to tell you that I put these X’s on the board, although there didn’t happen to be any at the moment.  But I have no problem telling you…..there are days I really love my child! ; )   Generally speaking, things run pretty smoothly around here, with the flow of our routines.  But I can tell you, usually when we have a bad day, there is a whole string of them! Maybe one of the kids is out of sorts, and is spreading the non-cheer. Or maybe “I” am tired, or not feeling great, (or both!) and am just feeling extra-non-tolerant of any antics.  Either way, these things can effect the whole family, like falling dominoes, and it usually takes a few days to get back on track. On those days, my red marker may get handled more than usual. ; )

Like the gems, which just feel good to get, and that should be enough > the x’s do not feel good to get. Ask any one of my kids. They are not at peace, if they even have 1-single-X. You should see them peek through the cut-out in the wall, (where the stairs to the 2nd floor are), or come around to my desk, to check their status.  But the X in and of itself is not enough. They need to work them off/pay for them, in a personal way. (One moment again, please.)

Here is what those X’s mean:

They have no privileges at all, until every x is gone.

They need to work it off, in their own way.

Here is how they mightget X’s:  This can really vary, as the good choices can. But poor choices may have been acquired from breaking a family rule, such as not keeping our flailing appendages to ourselves in moments of anger or frustration, striking another.  It may be from talking back in a fresh tone, or starting trouble with another. It may be from breaking a safety rule, OR……being called more than once in a row, for obviously not keeping their chart updated.  (Which usually means they did the do their responsibilities, but did not check the chart. However, the chart is there as a system, to keep things in order and running smoothly for our family. And it’s a responsibility that they are responsible for!  So…neglecting their chart leads to an X.)

The bad feeling they have inside, is also a natural consequence that we all feel, when we knowingly make a wrong choice. It may also happen as a result of the wrong-doing, that others are not happy with us, or something else negative came about as a direct result of the original poor choice. That also happens in life.   But the wrong must be righted, to be truly gone. (It also happens to be much like confession, in our Catholic faith. I know you are not all Catholic, but I’m sharing why this supports what we believe further.)  And so the child needs to do what they know needs to be done, to get it erased. Rectifying the wrong first and foremost must always end with a sincere apology to the offended or hurt, and a clear spoken explanation to myself or their father as to what they know they did wrong, why it was wrong, and ‘what their plan is’ for next time a similar situation comes up. More real talking. But ridding the x usually starts with choosing rights, by their own free will.  I never tell them what they must do.  That is up to them. But whatever it is, it is for the good of others, or the family, or our household.  They may decide to be extra helpful with picking up or cleaning the house, or sacrifice for others all day. One good thing, does not equate erasing an X. It’s when I know they have sincerely made efforts at choosing rights, and have apologized and spoken to us (also of their own free will), and in the meantime, have had no privileges. We let them know when we’re removing the X.  I can tell you, it’s a fair and reasonable deal in terms of exchange.  It’s just not something they can expect in exchange for any one thing in particular.   What they do get when that X is removed, is another sense of self-accomplishment, and rejoicing of their heart.  (Much like our feeling of coming out of Penance. Which by the way, I would hope the actions that the x’s represented are spoken of also. But that is between them & their Savior.)

child-behavior-responsibilities-system-parenting-12 In ‘The Big Picture’ this system works well in our family.  It keeps the kiddos responsible for themselves, and generally in check. And between the ✔’s, Gems, and X’s, it really keeps our home fairly in order, and clean-ish!  (Although it’s rarely ever both enough, for me. I have high standards there I guess, that seem to be impossibly unattainable.  We live here, it looks it, and I’m working on embracing it.) The system we use also helps the kids relate the facts: that choosing wrong not only feels bad personally inside, knowing we let down ourselves, others, and God, but ultimately results in consequences that are not fun to face, come that time. Being responsible, and making wise choices, is a learning process, and we all make mistakes from time to time. But we also need to realize that we are all accountable for ourselves and our choices, more and more so, as we get older. We will be held accountable for them, good or bad. For us, this system we use runs many parallels with life.  Gems, the good and right feeling inside, simply by knowing we chose the right (if sometimes more difficult) path, are what we would all like to have. But they are not just given to us. We must live our lives accordingly, to be worthy, day by day. Our lives as adults DO reflect how we are doing, averaging our own virtual gems & x’s. We are captains of our own ship. But it’s the process of learning to be led by our hearts & our morals while we are young, and wanting to please God, our loved ones, and ourselves, that gives us the practice, and the strength, to navigate more toward the light.  In the end, there can be no greater Gem.

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*Thanks for reading, and letting us share a bit of the inner-workings of our family. We are certainly not parenting experts, but know many parents are often looking for new ideas, charts, or systems.  We wanted to offer any part of what works for us, to you, our readers & friends.  We hope you enjoyed the post, or have found something beneficial in it, for your family too.


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Filed Under: Faith, Faith/ Catholic, Life In General, Parenting, The Big Picture Tagged With: behavior system for kids, Catholic-blogs, Catholic-families, Parenting, parenting-help, responsibility charts, teaching-children-behavior-responsibility, triplets

Beatrice. She’s Really Been Around the Block. | The Story of a Doll

August 14, 2010 By Laura 2 Comments

The Story of a Doll.

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{A} was just a toddler, barely walking, when my mother called one day a few months before Christmas.  She said, “I am shopping for gifts in this catalog, and I am going to buy {A} a baby doll.  Do you want the white one, or the black one?”

Those were her words.

Several things ran through my head.  ‘Why would she call me, to ask me this?  Is she testing me, in some way?  Does she think it really matters to me, which one she gets?’

But I said none of those things.  Instead, my focus turned to my own parenting.  I was a first time mother, and I already had a long list of  what I would and would not do, teach and would not teach, my kids, as God gave them to me.  I was a confident parent from the get-go, much to the unnerving of, well, certain people.  I did indeed know a whole lot about kids, how to care for babies, desirable and undesirable behavior in growing kids, and where they come from sometimes, all learned in depth through very tender ages myself, of caring for/all-but raising, children belonging other parents.  But that is a whole other topic I won’t digress into.   The point is, I was thinking, “My kids will be raised to never discriminate against people because of the color of their skin, among other things. It shouldn’t even be a thought. God made us all the same, and we are as equal as we are in His eyes.”   But I had to answer, so I responded, “The black one is fine.”

I know what you are thinking.  I think.  Maybe not.  But, if you are…..I suppose by ‘choosing’, I was discriminating in some way.  But what I was thinking was, ‘This an an opportunity, here.  {A} will undoubtedly fall right in love with this doll without hesitation or thought, and she will learn quite early on, in this early lesson in her life, that love knows no color.  Or perhaps better, love knows all colors.”.

Previously, {A} never did care much for toy dolls at all, through her childhood.   But for some reason she did indeed love this one, from the day she opened her Christmas gift, from Meme and Papa.  It was SO soft. Stuffed with cotton and squishy. A little odd shaped, perhaps.  There was a rattle inside.  {A} was quickly more than partial to it.

Then came the dilemma of course.  What to name her baby doll?   {A}, of course, was just barely talking.  I was helping her figure lots of things out, at that age.  So I thought of who gave it to her.  And a perfect name occurred to me, as I chuckled more than was kind, on the inside.  “ How about we name her “Beatrice” ?“, I asked {A}.   “Beee-tissss”, {A} repeated with her usual big smile.   And so it was.

When my mother visited again, she asked {A}, as she toddled around with her new doll, what her name was.  It was all I could do, not to bust out laughing, while {A} responded, “Beeee-tisss”.

The look on my mother’s face, was priceless.   You see, Beatrice, was my mother’s middle name, that she has always hated.  As I read my mother’s expression in that moment, I knew she was rather torn somewhere between irked, and pleased that the dolly was named after her

For me, it was just FUN to name her Beatrice, yes, in a humorously teasing sort of way.  Out of love.  You know.  I truly had no idea, how long Beatrice would be around.

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This is a scanned scrap booking page of {A} I did years and years ago, with photos just as old.  Obviously before I mastered flash.   Oh how hard it is to see these things now.  But naturally I still treasure the photos.  What I wanted to show you here, in particular though, was {A} in the bottom left photo.  She is wearing her Daddy’s sweatshirt, and carrying her beloved Beatrice.

{A} carried Beatrice all around the house, and slept with her every night.  Along with the nightie I used to nurse her in, that, as she grew older, she had me wear again after being washed, to make it smell like me again.

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More scanned photos:  When {O} came along, (with her triplet brothers of course), {A} gave her Beatrice.  {O} began to sleep with her right away, too.  She’s always used her as a pillow.  Here they all are together (above), having a couch cuddle.   I thought it was sweet that {A} passed on her beloved doll, to her baby sister.

{A} held fast to that nightie, though, which she still sleeps with today.

04_little-girl-reading-to-dolll {O} developed her own special and deepening relationship with Beatrice, as she grew.   They read together.
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She made sure Beatrice had other friends too.
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Year after year, Beatrice was still around.

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And it’s really begun to show!!  I just took these photos of her the other day. {O} was caught more than once as a toddler, biting/sucking on Beatrice’s nubby little clothe thumbs in bed.  Soon those were amputated and sewed up.

But check out those healthy hips on her!

It almost makes me feel a kindred spirit with her.

10_doll Until I look at her sideways.   How does she keep that tummy so flat?

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07_beatrice-loved-doll

Most recently, a huge hole in her face, was mended.  She’s Beatrice Scar Face now.  There are other questionable dark marks, we won’t wonder too long about.

08_

The wear and tear is showing everywhere, on poor Beatrice.

I am sure being washed, as much as she has been, has shown her years too.

09_girl-sleeping-with-doll

But I think being loved, as much as she has, is the most evident.

07_beatrice-loved-doll

After all she has been through, she still has a faint smile.

I think in our own ways, we should all be able to reflect how loved we have been in our lives through the many years, as well.

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Filed Under: Life In General, Parenting, The Big Picture Tagged With: a-very-loved-doll-story, Catholic-blogs, Catholic-families, doll, doll-stories

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