In parenting, we’re always looking for new ideas to keep encouraging good character trait development in our children. Quite a few weeks ago, I came up with this star discipline system, and so far, it has been going quite well for our children. (Ages triplets 6, 6, 6 and old child 11.) We thought we’d share the concept of our idea with all of you other parents out there, today. And then give you a peak into some of the most special moments, that came from the success of this system.
I put all of the kids names on this chalk board, giving them each a few sections in vertical columns. When any one or more of the kids has an exceptional day, we give them a star on the chalkboard under their name, after they’ve gone to bed. Now, an exceptional day equates a day full of good and wise behavioral choices, exercising compassion and/or sacrifice for others, and overall behavior that exemplifies that which we expect of our children.
It really has to be a great day for them, to get a star. If they have an ok day, but not really STAR behavior, naturally we discuss with them what better choices they should have made in the moment, but nothing happens on the board. But if they make a big, bad choice…..one that they well KNOW is unacceptable, they get an immediate X on the board in that big middle section. X’s mean a consequence for their poor choice. Trust me when I say, no one likes getting an X around here. But they sure love striving for a star.
Let me tell you why I think this has been effective exercise for ALL of us….so far. : ) It saves us a whole lot of talking, to start. If they make a horrible choice, we put an X on the board right there and then. They KNOW what they did was a poor choice, and I tend to talk their ear off in the heat of the moment, personally. So really….the X says it all, and they know what it means. We may talk it over later when they apologize, just to solidify why we agree there were better choices to be made . Thankfully we haven’t had too many of those X’s. We don’t like giving them, and they surely don’t like getting them.
The great thing, is that they are really inspired by their stars. The very first thing they do in the morning is check if they got a star for the day before. We’ve even heard some of them get up very early to use the bathroom, but sneak in the kitchen first to take a peek. It’s just so cute. And it’s great to see that it matters to them! If they see any, it really starts their day off with encouragement. And that can only be a good thing. This discipline system is a constant visual reminder, right there in the kitchen all of the time, that speaks volumes about how they are doing.
The big goal for each of them is 6 stars. 6 is the magic number in our family, because of course, there are 6 of us in our family. It’s a sentimental number I guess. lol. So when they reach 6, they have earned something special. We have never been big into rewarding the kids for every little thing, because there is just a level of expectation in terms of behavior from them, anyway. The reward is often no consequence! lol. But this sort of reflects more what happens in life: working hard and making good choices in the long run, will pay off. On the flip side: Making poor choices only bring unpleasant natural consequences to oneself, whether immediately or eventually.
Well, {S} was the first one to reach 6 stars. I decided to surprise him by taking him out, all by himself with me, for ice cream at Holy Cowz! It was a date for just the two of us. But we thought we’d let you just peek in, anyway.
Holy Cowz is a great little fun walk-in place to get ice cream cones or sundaes. It has a small counter area, with a black and white checkered tile floor, and colors everywhere.
{S} got a chocolate and vanilla swirl soft-serve cone. We decided to head upstairs and sit while he had it, since outside was not a real warm and nice day.
He looked so excited with that cone in his hand, and just be on ‘a date’ with Mama.
I told him he better get licking!!
I decided I really didn’t need an ice cream cone myself. So I settled for a bag of BBQ chips.
Somehow, it seemed like a better choice at the time. Maybe because, <clearing throat>, I had 4 cookies before I left the house. Not that chips is a healthy choice. But it’s not so much of more sugar.
As I was sitting there, fiddling with my camera, the shutter went off accidentally……and I got this shot!…..
I had to keep it because I was rather impressed at how well (and artsy!) this accidental shot came out!
At the same time, it made me question all of my supposed photography skills. lol
{S} was just so cute sitting across from me, smiling and so content with his cone. He wanted the window seat so he could watch the cars and trucks go by out on the street. But eventually, he invited me over to sit right beside him. After all, we were on a date. <melt>
So I slid in beside him, with my heart all a-flutter, and we giggled. Then we decided it would be fun to try and get a shot of us together, via the automatic timer……
After a few tries to get IN the shot, we managed. Once again, I was rather impressed, and wondered if my camera ever needed me behind it at all.
Once we were done with our treats, we went up the street to browse an antique store that we both love looking around in. I contemplated taking my camera in just to take some fun shots, but all I did was take this one….
…and no sooner did I take it, did the owner come out and asked me if I just took a picture of her place. Oh brother. I decided she was going to be a funny one I didn’t want to deal with so….I left the camera in the van. Saw a ton of stuff in there I wanted to buy though!! But I didn’t because it was a poor choice that day to spend money, and poor choices have natural consequences. Right, Kids?!
So this was all weeks ago, and the chart system still seems to be going quite well. Getting stars is still just as exciting, and getting an X is still just as upsetting.
That’s the goal!
Since {S}’s special date, all of the kids have had 6 star dates, a couple of times. What they get always varies…..it depends on the kid. Sometimes we let them choose something reasonable, sometimes we surprise them. But it is usually involves doing something fun, with one of us parents. They love the one-on-one time with Mama or Daddy anyway, and we feel it’s important to have with them as well. One has gone fishing, another has gone bike riding, one even asked for a bath. Yes, getting a bath is special around here. We just can’t fill the tub over and over with clean hot water for each kid….and I don’t like the alternative either. So….showers it is. Which they also love. But you can really PLAY in a bath.
Oh….and for every 6 stars each of them has gotten, they’ve gotten a tally in the upper section. Those don’t add up to any special number where they get anything special. They feel good just to see them up there. And So. Do. We!
We hope you enjoyed this post, and perhaps gathered some inspiration, to either try this specific discipline system in your family, if your kids are about the right ages, or come up with your own creative system of positive parenting, that works for you.
Take care, and see you gain here soon.
